The Past Few days…..

 DISCLAIMER

…….. have been  really very tough. I am mentally , physically and emotionally tired. I am emotionally tired then anything. My dad’s surgery was fine, he is doing good, he will be home in 1 or 2 days, so that’s not a problem, I feel relieved now and I don’t have to worry about my dad, but the last few days going to the hospital waiting for the surgery to be over, the reports , the running around for tabs and all has made feel physically tired too. and also no sign of AF .

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At this point of time in my life, the time days and weeks are going very slowly. The AF has no plans of coming I guess, no don’t  tell me to check if I might be pregnant, I can’t be because my tubes are blocked  . I do believe in miracles but not now my miracle might happen with IVF.I just want my period to start and start IVF procedure. This waiting game during  IVF or any infertility treatment  is very very annoying. I don’t know, everyone is moving on life having babies , doing what they want to in their career and many more. I feel stuck I don’t know. I had some cramps and stomach ache and all but no sign of AF.

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I don’t know how to put it here in writing , I am really irritated may be because I am PMSing or the the never ending wait for AF is making me feel low. I  got a call from RE’s office to know if my period has started or whenever it starts to come on day 2 , but I don’t know. Last time when I met RE she told we will wait for my period to start naturally cause later I will have to take many tablets and injections. When she called again she told the same thing , don’t want tabs as of now for inducing periods, so I am planning to wait until Tuesday and call the clinic to ask for the tabs to be prescribed for inducing the periods so that I get my periods soon and start soon.

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I think even during my birthday I will be on injections, I don’t know , If I had my period last week or something my injections and egg retrieval would have been over by then, now I don’t know how its gonna happen. I just need to breath I guess.I don’t know if this post is making any sense and if you have read it until here whoever you are you are great,one more thing anyone who have taken period inducing tablets let me know if any side effects or whatever so that I can decide on taking that or  just wait which is never ending , thank you.

LIFE & TIMES

DISCLAIMER 

I have been a bit busy with loads of things in life. Sometimes life give us such a twist or a jolt I must say.I wanted to write so much, I  wanted to update here as much as possible, but some times life just fully pulls you into its in unpredictable ways .I am not working as of now, I am glad I am and not working or looking after my dads business at this point of time. Actually that’s what I was doing before, but those things are changing for time being. My dads not well, and will be going for surgery on Monday, he neglected his health now its like he has to be operated to be fine.It is not a major or minor surgery, its something in between,so my dads doctor has told that he will be fine and not to worry so that’s a relief as of now.

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So yes, its a surgery for him and also I guess I will be starting my injection/simulations and scans and what not I don’t know at the same time I guess. I should get my period by Monday, sometimes my periods are irregular so I don’t know when AF will start and when I will start IVF. I have written and said this hundred times,  and I will say it again and again until I am done , I am excited and nervous at the same time for the IVF sigh.


UPDATES

Last week we had gone to the clinic to show some of my pending reports and BH had to give semen for freezing. Freezing is just a back up, he has do do it again😁 during egg retrieval, for fresh sample, sigh. When I asked them why twice🤔, they told sometimes husbands wont be able to give sample on egg retrieval day, they are nervous or whatever, that’s why back up they told.

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My reports sigh, its a never ending saga. In the hospital I did Hystro-lap  did not give TB PCR report, the explanation for that is if APF culture  is fine/ negative means everything  is fine and that’s what even RE told last time but still she wanted the report, anyways after speaking to hundred people in the hospital they told the same story that that is APF report is fine means they don’t do TB PCR test, and that they would reimburse the money which I paid for the test.

I went to the hospital  last Monday to get my money back, they told it will take two to three days, but  its more then two weeks I have still not got the money. I called this Wednesday,because I din’t get any call from the hospital, they told me to come on Friday but I am a bit busy today will be going tomorrow, hopefully without any drama they will reimburse my money.


As I said that I have been busy with so many things happening in life, yesterday I had a very nice break. I had to go somewhere, but it got cancelled at the last minute, so I went to parlor got a nice facial done, it was  so very relaxing. I came back home and no one was there at home, so saw a Hindi movie after such a long time, it was so so so… good and relaxing and I enjoyed the movie, without any interruption, then I slept nicely , got up made nice my favorite black coffee just people watched from balcony/patio it was a great day.

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My BFF forced me to tell Vishnu Sahasranaman , she felt it will do good for my IVF cycle spiritually. My BFF is in London from 4 years, but the distance has made no difference in our friendship, she keeps giving me spiritual advice’s and I am glad to have her as my friend  and we connect you see. I am already doing lot spiritually, prayers and poojas, but she told just recite Vishnu Sahasranamam, so I started it from last Monday, I feel very nice and calm, Thank you R.


Hopefully AF will start soon and I can start with IVF, this waiting game is very frustrating.It’s either waiting because of the blood, biopsy or whatever test reports, then the doctors or clinic mistakes, doctors timings and my own body which I don’t want to talk negative about. It’s CD 33 and I am still waiting for AF. Hopefully I will start soon :).

 

 

A Letter to Myself

DISCLAIMER 

I want to write a letter  for myself before I start my first IVF.Why I want to write this letter to me is so that when I start the IVF procedure, I don’t know how my state of my mind will be. How and when I  might feel  low  I don’t know or  I don’t know even when I might feel happy,  so at that time, during those roller coaster emotions times, I want to come here and read this letter during those situations.

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Dear Sprha

Firstly Sprha you are STRONG that’s the reason you have decided to go ahead with IVF. You are more strong then you think, do you remember even to take a small blood test you would close your eyes and turn away. The most dreaded HSG test you did it even though it was under anesthesia , but you just did it and many invasive tests after that, remember you are strong and you can do this too.

 

The STRENGTH you have is really great and your own cousins have told  you that they see you as a very strong person and you are there strength, its an amazing feeling even though inside your breaking, why cant this amazing process of a making a baby so easy for others and why so difficult for me, but you are your own strength. My other friend told her friends that you are the most strongest person she has ever met, so  you know you can spread so much positive vibes. The Bravo , yes your BRAVE and  not only you , who all go thought IVF are freaking very brave, so just remember that always.

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STRESS-FREE, you should be stress-free as much as possible, it’s easier said then done, but try to be stress free, but, but if you cant be stress free don’t try  too much to be stress free , because it can add more stress to your already stressed mind. Being GOOD/NICE, I have read that when your on injections/ hormones for IVF, it can make you feel cranky  like your PMS-ing but the intensity will be more, so when you act like a made  person or cranky person, just breath and read this post.

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The SYMPTOMS ,yes when you start your stimulation’s and later after the embryo transfer, don’t try to research about the symptoms, I know its not easy to not go to the google doctor, but don’t over do it, don’t rely too much on it. The RESULT, I believe in karma, so I am going to to my duty and leave it to GOD,  at this point of time you just do what your supposed to do and believe in yourself and GOD.Do your yoga, meditations and pranayama they keep your mind calm as much as possible. That’s all I can remember as of now, if at all anyone reads this and want to give any tips I would love to know.

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Good Luck 🙂

There are many people in the world that go though IVF there are really great. I really salute them. Thank you all for making my journey a bit easy by writing about your journey.Anyone who reads this who is planning to do IVF or started with their first IVF, or when your reading this you might be going through second, third, fourth or so on. Some  you might relate too, some you may never ever relate or you may either relate to all or nothing at all.I just wanted to put down my feelings before IVF.

Never Ending ….

DISCLAIMER

Until I start IVF it is never ending reports and meeting the doctors. I knew all this but it feels never ending . I met RE on Monday, seeing my  AMH and BH’s semen analysis she told we’ll do two IUI’s if that does not work we can start IVF, she told this even before seeing my other reports. I told her that both my tubes are blocked , she was like “oh I did not see that”,So its IVF for you she told, I knew that thank you.

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Then she checked my other reports and told everything is fine, but I cant find TB PCR report and discharge summary after Hystro-laparoscopy , sigh. I had to go back to the hospital where my gynecologist did hystro-lap and get both those reports, it’s never ending I must say. When I went to the hospital to take my report first they told I will get the report in  ten minutes then , later they told it will come by evening. then next day never ending did I say.

Next day I called in the morning, they told they will call back in 10 minutes but I never got call until 3 pm, I called them and scolded them. At that time they are telling that if AFP culture, smear , tissue  whatever all the reports are negative/fine means PCR also will be negative so  they don’t test that and I can take back that money, I was relieved but also  irritated with all this, and felt so many hurdles before I start IVF.

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Ok coming back to my meeting with RE, she then explained that I will be starting IVF from second day of my period. They will be doing IVF- ICSI , even though BH’s SA is good. When I asked why? they told the success rate is more in ICSI. Then she told that since my AMH is good I might have chances of OHSS, I was shocked, but was just listening, she told there are Chances of OHSS but I can’t tell it will happen , don’t worry much we will take care of you that’s what she told I think. So maybe it wont be a fresh transfer, we will do FET cycle , but fresh transfer or FET will be know depending upon how my health will be at that time. Then I asked the doctor for IVF many people start with Birth Control Pills(BCP) why she is starting for me from just day 2  , she told that in other clinics they take control of your cycle when there are too many patients, but here we concentrate on less people , so we start with second day of your periods, that’s it.

Then met the finance person, got the details, she explained well . She split the amount for what  is for what and all.The total cost of IVF , plus some MACS test for selecting best sperm for ICSI,  cost for freezing the  embryo for 4 , if there are more than four , again some more thousands of  rupees  sigh, then extra more  money if it is FET cycle . The injections can be taken by the nurse in the clinic she told, if my home is near, so mostly those injection days I  will be going to clinic daily I think so, even though the clinic is just 7 to 8 KM, but in this Bangalore traffic it will take 30 to 45 mins in non peak traffic time, so mostly the timing will be between 11 am to 12 pm noon.

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Then met the in house counselor who spoke very nicely, I felt good. She told me eat good food, not to eat out, walk as much as possible, yoga , pranayama , not to fall sick and in general spoke very nicely made me feel better, she also told I could speak to her if I want to, also there was a infertility talk next day , she told I could come if I want too. I also told about my blog and a India Infertility group me and a friend are trying to start so we can make others feel we are not alone. It was good.

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Tomorrow again I will be meeting  RE again to give the final reports and BH will be giving semen for freezing, he can give fresh semen during egg retrival too, this just for a back up and we are  paying for semen freezing obviously .This  has become a never ending post, hopefully my meeting with RE go fine and I should go next on day 2 of my period for starting IVF.I need your prayers.