Its been such a long time that I wrote something here,as always I want to write sooooo.. much and their is so much in my mind but I am not writing.I wont say I am busy and all, its just that I dint write .Ok coming back to the topic, how I am coping with my first failed FET, is the biggest question.
its been a very long road, I am ok at times I am not ok at times,but its been a very difficult journey,I feel alone even with all the support I have got, I wonder how people cope when they don’t even know how to vent out the feelings and don’t know that their is a big support system out their, I am glad I know and have a support system which helps me a bit, but the truth is in the end of the day we are the only one who have to suffer.
The loneliness, the fear, what if even the next transfer does not work, why my body is betraying me, why? why? why?, these are the questions I have been asking myself after my first failed FET. I have also learned a lot about relationships, friends and how people treat me just because they got pregnant and not me in this period , this topic needs a separate post, because I want to write and vent out so much, because people whom I thought will be my strength ans support were the one’s who did not want to talk to me, dint I say this needs a separate post.
When I started the IVF treatment I was a different person, now I am a totally a different person, so much I have learned about people and life in general. When my first FET was about to start I did so many things even though my FET’s were being cancelled due to lining issues . I tried meditation, pranayama , yoga, good food , walking , prayers and so much more, but this time even though I had two months before my 2nd FET and still have few more weeks before I strart my 2nd FET, I have not done anything of the above, yes maybe be 10 percent of that, which I am not happy.
I still not have not written how I am coping with failure, we traveled a bit, now again after two days we are travelling again, then my BCP’s will finish from monday, so I am also in the count-down mode,talking to people who still want to be my friend , even after they becoming pregnant and me not, eating junk, yes seriously I am eating junk, but since I am vegan they are not that bad junk so I am ok with it.Drinking loads of my favorite back coffee , which this time I am planning to stop from day 1 of the FET. I am still in the thinking mode of starting of meditation, pranayama , yoga, prayers , good food and all,after the trip or from today I am not sure.
I wanted to write and vent out but I was not able to because my nephews 1st birthday celebration’s and I was also helping out so you know right.I still cant believe he is one already, when I started my treatment with my Gynecologist its was during my bro engagement, then marriage , pregnancy , baby shower, my nephews naming ceremony and now his 1st birthday. I am still in the limbo land land I don’t even know whether my next transfer will be success or not.
If anyone has read this rant until the end then your great and thank you, and if anyone of you is going through this phase just hold on the hope, also let me know how you dealt or dealing when your were/are in this situation.