The Talk

DISCLAIMER

I just wanted to record the talk I had with the in-house counselor in the clinic I go here, but before I go into the main topic let me give you an update, after my last post, I thought that I will post about my transfer confirmation and all, it’s not that easy in my case you all know, if you been following  me from the beginning if not you can check here. On Monday the 8th it was day 15 for me, the plan was to have the final lining check and start progesterone for the transfer, as usual my cycle was cancelled, according to my RE, whatever my lining is they can transfer because of the ERA test. I need extra 12 hours of progesterone  and my lining was receptive according to my ERA test.

The problem this time was one, that my lining was growing but slowly as usual , but it was growing  and it was a triple line that was the main thing and I felt a bit relieved and second my RE would be out of town during my transfer time, but I said ok for another RE to do my transfer, because my lining was ok this time and I did not want to waste my time, but on Monday during the check up, new RE told she will not do transfer with 6 mm lining even though my RE’s junior doctor told about my lining issues and ERA report.

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I spoke to my RE’s junior  and said that I am ok to go ahead with transfer but she told this time my lining is growing okissh, we will cancel and next month my RE only will do the transfer and who knows next month it might grow even better, but I was not convinced, because I am scared but she told think positive and come back on day 2 of my next period , so I was ok with this plan at some point because I prefer my RE only to do my transfer, so they gave me some withdrawal tabs to be taken after few days , I might get my period in the 4th week of October then start all over again, now the waiting game starts.

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I have written so much that I have not written about the main topic, so yesterday after all the check up’s and all, the in house counselor wanted to meet me.It was nice talking to her, I felt good about myself and and she made me know that  I am doing all in my capacity to make this work, I never felt that I was doing my best.She told me few success stories and how it worked for them, she listened to me when I spoke.She also told me to be positive and my mind being positive has more effective then the medicines I totally agree to that concept, positive mind positive body.

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She also told me few tips which I really loved, which I will be incorporating in my daily life.I spoke to her for almost more than half an hour,it was the best part of the day I felt so so good about myself,she also told me to call her when I need to talk or feeling low or just to unburden, after this I suggest  please go and speak to the counselor that’s the best thing you can do yourself during this infertility journey.I felt I was unburdened and came out with a positive mind and attitude, ( lets call the counselor R)  thank you R so much for making me feel so good now I feel I can do this, thanks again.

ERA Result & Updates

DISCLAIMER

I feel just lost, their is so much to do but I am not able to, I feel like life is just a drag, because of the cycle cancellations and all, and as I mentioned in my last post RE was out of town or something, also my ERA report was delayed, so my last cycle was cancelled.I am ok now, do I have any choice other then being ok.

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Once again started my HRT cycle from 29th May, do I have hope? I do not know, at least not now, I am just living like a zombie. Last night I had a dream where my RE is checking my lining and it was only 1.8 mm😣😥 I just woke up in the middle of the night, I am thinking too much I think, tomorrow is my 8th day of HRT cycle, you can read about how HRT cycle works here. I will be going for my lining check tomorrow hoping my lining would have grown ok if not great

I am doing everything in my capacity to make this cycle work, I am eating home cooked food ,walking, pranyama, meditation and planning to add yoga too . I love my black coffee I am slowly reducing taking coffee, and will stop complete after my progesterone is started.I am praying , in the end that’s all I can do,  I am doing everything in my capacity and leavening rest to God.

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My ERA test result, the good news is my lining is receptive but, but I need extra 12 hours of progesterone, so that’s a relief and in this cycle if my lining ok they know the receptive window so RE will work around it I think. My RE had told me that whenever my transfer happens she will just transfer according to my ERA timeline. I am having loads of hopes this cycle, hopefully my body wont let me down this time, until then I just have to hold on to hope just hope.

Nothing New…..

DISCLAIMER

….Yes you read it right there nothing  new new to write here, I have been procrastinating from past few days, I am  tired mentally and physically with all the tablets and all. I wanted to write but what is their to write it is the same old thing, cancelled cycle again. I am OK , I should be OK and I am getting used to this cancelled cycles. I am ok because this time the cycle was cancelled for other reasons not only  because of my lining.My June cycle will work out, a gut feeling you know but you never know.

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May cycle was cancelled because of many reasons, after my ERA test I was told to stop all my tablets, Progynova, duphaston and Progesterone pessaries, and take just Meprate 10 mg twice a day for ten days so that it delays my period and the start the may cycle on day 2 and by then my ERA report  come,which usually take 3 weeks to come through.So since I was almost free for almost 10 days due to the tabs plus few more days until AF arrives, we decided for a short road trip.

We started for the road trip when I was still on last four tablets,I was fine because we would be back by  the time I finish my tablets. but on the second day of the trip I started  spotting, I panicked, and still  took the remaining tablets spoke to my friend F , she told me to take appointment for the next day I will be back from the trip, I just did that. Once I was back I met my RE’s assistant, my RE was on holiday for a month I guess. The doctor told me not to panic and told maybe due to travel and all I have started spotting early, she also told to take my tablets until when its prescribed and be back on day 2 to start FET cycle.

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I stopped my tab on 30 April and AF arrived on May 1st and on 2nd May went to meet my RE, she checked  my lining and prescribed estrogen (Progynova) as I have written here, because they want to do exactly like my ERA cycle pattern, she was also concerned that AF had arrived earlier then expected and their was more time for the ERA report to come.I was called again on day 8, but I already new that this cycleis not going to work because as  I have  written above I had started spotting from 28th April until 1st May and was continuously bleeding  from 2nd May until on 10th of May, that was my day 8 of HRT cycle.

One more Ssetback was my ERA report was being delayed for whatever reasons, and also I wanted to have my transfer by my RE not someone else, as I have said above my RE was out of country for a month , so I knew this wont work, also since I was bleeding for  a long time, my lining was growing as expected, and my ERA report had not yet come.So my RE’s assistant told we should cancel this cycle and put me on Meprate for 5 days and until 23rd May, now I am waiting for AF to arrive, so we can start my new cycle and my RE will be back on 30th May.

My ERA report came the next day after my cancelled cycle, I got a call from the clinic and told that I am early receptive means just few hour more progesterone is what the doctor told me, and she also told that nothing to worry and come on day 2 and will explain what exactly my report says, so now I am waiting for AF to arrive and get more info on ERA report which I will keep posted here. This is such a long rant I just wanted to do a quick update, dint expect that my post would be this long, excuse any grammar mistakes I have no energy to edit it.

 

 

 

 

 

The ERA test Timeline

DISCLAIMER

Finally I am done with the ERA test, the dreaded ERA test,which I was so nervous to undergo, but now it’s almost two weeks and one more week to go for the the reports to arrive, but I am relieved that I am done with it. When my RE suggested ERA TEST, I obviously wanted to know why it was done , for what it was done, how painful and all but no where, it was written or spoken about how exactly the ERA procedure is done with the timeline.I have also written about the ERA test here , where I written about how I felt and convinced myself that ERA might be the answer,for ERA cycle my lining did grow fine it was almost more then 7.2 mm during day 12, compared to my previous cycles, but RE wanted to go ahead with ERA.

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I did read about how it did work for some people, and it did not work for few people , and it was painful for few, it was not painful for few, that’s it not much info.I thought I will write how my RE prepared me for the ERA test, the details I am giving here are done her in India , Bangalore. I am hoping that’s how its done through out the world , maybe with slight variation with the tablets and injections.

  • CD (candler day) 1 April 4th 2018
  • CD 2 April 5th Baseline scan, Started Estrogen tablet, one in the morning one at night, twelve hours apart .HRT cycle day 1, from the day estrogen is started in the HRT cycle it is considered as day 1, that’s what my RE told.
  • Took the estrogen as said above until 6th and 7th april.
  • CD 5, HRT cycle day 4, two estrogen tablets in the morning and two at night until CD 8, HRT cycle day 7.
  • CD 9, HRT cycle day 8 follow up scan with RE. My estrogen was upped by two estrogen tablets orally and one vaginally in the morning and the same dose at night.
  • CD 13, HRT cycle day 12 follow up scan, Progesterone pessaries tablets with duphaston tablet was added along with Estrogen, but from day 12 of HRT cycle all estrogen tablets had to be taken orally, three in the morning and three at night. Progesterone was to taken vaginally morning and night, duphaston orally one in the morning and one at night.
  • CD 18, HRT cycle day 17 the ERA TEST,in the morning I had to take all the above tablets and report to the clinic, my test was at 12.30 exact, timing was very important that’s what my RE told, and this is what they will follow for my next FET cycle.The procedure was a bit painful, but I would not do it again, it was very uncomfortable.
  • Later RE prescribed Meprate 10mg for ten days and told to stop all the medications and take Meprate along with my vitamins, once I stop Meprate I would get my period and go to on day 2 for baseline scan.era_results_eg

I asked my RE about progesterone shots because this is almost like mock transfer, so they would know better, but she told if that was necessary she would recommend that to me, she was against it, she told we will work it with the progesterone vaginal pessaries, so I left it their.Along with the above tablets I was also taking Metfomin 1000 mg per day, Folic acid tablet one per day, and vitamin D tablet one per day, to be frank since this was ERA cycle, last 5 day’s I dint take the vitamin and metformin tablets, I felt It was too many tablets, but in my FET cycle I will be taking all these.

Hope this post will help people, if anyone has any doubts or want any clarification please leave it in the comments section. The ERA test was done on 21st April 2018, I will getting the reports on 12th MAY 2018. My FET cycle has already began form 3rd MAY 2018.Hoping this cycle works for me, wish me luck people.

W for Waiting # A to Z Challenge

DISCLAIMER

In this infertility journey we are always waiting.The waiting game begin’s even before we start the treatments.When I started my treatment for our baby I thought, I will go to the doctor  will check what is wrong with US treat it, boom it work out soon,I knew soon means in few months, not like never ending, nothing like that happened. We need to wait for the appointment, then wait for your period/AF to arrive ,then blood work for both of us, HSG  test for me and husbands SA(semen analysis).Those clomid cycles were so annoying, waiting game  during clomid cycles was even more frustrating, we don’t know whats happening with our body.

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Most of my previous post’s written in this blog were when I was/am frustrated with this waiting game.The waiting game after my hystro-lap to get my report was like never ending, I had to wait for six weeks to know how my inside’s of the uterus was, and it was the most frustrating wait, after all the that dreaded wait when I got the report and everything looked good, I had to wait for AF to arrive before I could get start IVF, and also their was one report missing and that had to be cleared by the RE and Gynecologist, who told that if my six week report is fine then the others would be fine when I finaly felt relieved, suddenly my AF was on strike and was not ready to arrive, finally when it arrived, IVF roller-coaster ride started.

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Then after IVF injections began, now we had to wait and watch how my follicles were growing, and each scan was like a test, then once when it grew and after egg retrieval, we need to know how many occytes/egg’s are mature, for fertilization, after fertilization we need to wait again,like how many will grow to day 3, then after day three we need to wait for day 5, uff its never ending din’t I say.Then in my case I had some lining issues.Every wait is like a exam, when we pass one exam, we need to go for more difficult  next level exam in this IVF roller-coaster ride.Waiting game in this infertility journey is a part and parcel which we cannot escape.Even now I am waiting for my ERA test report, sigh this is infertility life.


 

PS:I am not a doctor, these are just my findings, my experiences and my infertility warrior friends experiences,which are a part of my life. I am half doctor myself because we go though so much,sometimes I feel I know my diagnosis better than my RE(Reproductive Endocrinologist). Hope these posts make some sense for people who are not a part of this journey.This post is a part of #AtoZchallenge2018.


		

Q for Questions # A to Z Challenge

DISCLAIMER

Asking Questions is very important during infertility treatments, because we pay so much, to get our bodies go through to get our baby, its our right to know whats happening with us. Ask and ask and ask as much as question you can and ask until you satisfied with the RE’s answer.When I started my treatments, I was intimated by the RE, so I hardly asked any questions, I would just listen to whatever my RE would say  and go with a flow, even though I used to have doubts. I know my RE would know better then me, but I am paying so much money I would also would love to know, why she was/is giving those tablets or injections, just an info in simple terms nothing elaborate.

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Now from past few months, after not agreeing to day 3 in January, I still don’t know why I did that,I have written about it here.I ask questions, see we are google generation, so ask my doubts, until its not cleared , I don’t go ahead.Sometimes my RE gets offended I feel, but I pay so much money and I need to know whats happening with me.

This Saturday I am getting the ERA test done, I am darn nervous, but its a better option before I go for the transfer next month. This month when RE started FET, they told if my lining grows well then they would go ahead with ET or ERA test would be the option before transfer, you  can read about my lining issues here and here. This cycle my lining was growing fine, according to my RE it was moderate not bad or good either, she also its ok to go for a transfer, finally a breather after so many cancelled FET cycles. So I was in a fix if I wanted to go for ET or ERA test, so I asked my RE that I need a days times, before I decide if I want to go ahead with the test or ET.RE told me I could give a call and let  her know what my decision would be.The tablets I was taking is used either for FET or ERA, because ERA test is done on the transfer day, so this cycle is almost like mock FET for me, I will get an idea how FET timeline,about ERA test I will write in detail once I am done with it.

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Those twenty four hours was a nightmare for me, I decided to go and meet her next day instead of speaking on phone.I met her and asked , what she would recommend, she told that for my lining issues, she would recommend to do the test, before transfer and increase the success rate,by 15 percent more, also she explained how its will help me and them by know if my lining is post-receptive or pre-receptive, and in my next cycle even if my lining grows slow and lesser on the day of transfer, they will know exact the implantation window which is 36 to 48 hours my RE told, RE spoke much more but that will need another post.Its ERA for me on Saturday wish me luck.


PS:I am not a doctor, these are just my findings, my experiences and my infertility warrior friends experiences,which are a part of my life. I am half doctor myself because we go though so much,sometimes I feel I know my diagnosis better than my RE(Reproductive Endocrinologist). Hope these posts make some sense for people who are not a part of this journey.This post is a part of #AtoZchallenge2018.

 

P for Progestrone & PGS #A to Z Challenge

DISCLAIMER

Progesterone is a hormone usually used in HRT cycles , progesterone is also used for other women reproductive issues too but I do not have much idea about it .Progesterone is a steroid hormone released by the corpus luteum that stimulates the uterus to prepare for pregnancy, if the pregnancy does not happen, the women gets her period and the endometrial lining sheds, and starts the period next cycle.

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If a women falls pregnant the progesterone helps in keeping the pregnancy. In IVF pregnancies  progesterone is given even before embryo transfer, like if its a day 3 transfer 3 days of progesterone pessaries or progesterone injections, sometimes both are given, then transfer is done. If its is a day 5 transfer five days of progesterone is given, after the transfer is done until, 10 to 12 weeks women need to take those progesterone suppositories, later the embryo produces its own progesterone, I am taking about IVF pregnancies.If their is any wrong in the information I have written here do correct me, if anybody has read this post.

PGS  or pre-implantation genetic screening, is a genetic test performed on embryos produced through IVF. PGS gives information about embryos’ genetic health to help your embryologist select the best embryo for transfer and improve your chance of achieving a successful pregnancy.In simple terms, few cells are taken/biopsied  from  the already formed embryos to check if it has any chromosomal or genetic problem, and then the best embryo is selected and transferred, in the next FET cycle. PGS is usually done  only when their are persistent implantation failures, abnormal growth of embryo and miscarriages.

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PGS  test is not suggested for all. PGS is a very expensive test. In my friends case which I have written about here, she had to abort her em-baby by taking oral pills,because her baby was growing on time and their was not heartbeat, so her doc told before going the PGS test, let her do a a bit less expensive blood test for both her and husband ,its called Karyotyping which I have written here, if that test comes normal she can go head with her next FET or if their is some chromosomal problem in either one of her or her husband, then they have to go for PGS.

FYI :This  above post is a little about what I know due to the infertility treatments,and some is via the always great google search, resource.


 

PS:I am not a doctor, these are just my findings, my experiences and my infertility warrior friends experiences,which are a part of my life. I am half doctor myself because we go though so much,sometimes I feel I know my diagnosis better than my RE(Reproductive Endocrinologist). Hope these posts make some sense for people who are not a part of this journey.This post is a part of #AtoZchallenge2018.

 

 

L for Lining # A to Z Challenge

DISCLAIMER

Uterine Lining is a inner layer of the uterus. it is the cells that line the womb, this tissue is normally shed monthly in response to the hormonal changes of the menstrual period. When a women becomes pregnant the embryo implants in the lining, the lining forms a cushion, this is what I have read and heard. I was having lining issues from January, after my ER(Egg retrieval), I was wondering why my body is doing this too me, but maybe due to loads of hormone injections tablets without a break, my body needed the darn break.I also tried acupuncture because it worked for many, but it did not work for me.

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Endometrial lining is very important for the em-babies to implant, since my lining was not growing as expected, my RE cancelled two cycles, third cycle we tried natural cycle, which did work because again my lining  was not growing as expected so that cycle was also cancelled. My RE gave a choice in the next cycle either we do ERA test or ET if my lining grows, so this cycle I am on HRT.

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The story of this cycle will be known by Monday,hopefully its embryo transfer for me,I am tired of cancelled cycles, dreams shattered every time the cycle is cancelled, before IVF I never had lining issues. I  knew lining was important,but I did not know that because of lining issue the cycles can be cancelled and I will be in this limbo land.I tried all home remedies for my lining to grow but none helped, but this cycle I was stress free, had one cup coffee a day, just let it be, my lining somewhat looks good, I am hoping the best.


 

PS:I am not a doctor, these are just my findings, my experiences and my infertility warrior friends experiences,which are a part of my life. I am half doctor myself because we go though so much,sometimes I feel I know my diagnosis better than my RE(Reproductive Endocrinologist). Hope these posts make some sense for people who are not a part of this journey.This post is a part of #AtoZchallenge2018.

I for Invasive & Insurance #A to Z Challenge

DISCLAMER

Infertility treatments are very very invasive I must say. When we decided we wanted babies, and nothing worked the normal way, we tried the all the non-invasive treatments like Ayurveda and Homeopathy when those were exhausted,I had no choice but to go the Allopathic way , I am was darn scared because I knew it would be very invasive. We being the google generation , we just google every darn thing. Everything I read was all about tvs-scans, HSG test , hysteroscopy and much more, the list is never ending, and every time we go for check ups, tvs scan is a must, or the RE wont know whats happening with the reproductive system.

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The above tests are just the beginning, once your a part of either IUI or IVF roller coaster ride, its even more invasive, now I am just used to those invasive scans, if my RE does not ask me to get undressed from my lower part I will be worried, and will be thinking why she is not scanning today, nah nah after speaking to me the nurse tells me to undress and dang the scan is done, its not painful but its obviously uncomfortable. Invasive in the part of infertility life.

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Insurance I wont talk much, but here in India insurance is not covered for a single infertility issue, we have to pay everything from our pocket and these treatments are very expensive. Every time my RE suggests tests I need to think how much it might costs and when should it be paid, its very draining mentally, physically and financially , dint I say you need to be a warrior to go through infertility treatments.


PS:I am not a doctor, these are just my findings, my experiences and my infertility warrior friends experiences, I am half doctor myself because we go though so much,sometimes I feel I know my diagnosis better than my RE(Reproductive Endocrinologist). Hope these posts make some sense for people who are not a part of this journey.This post is a part of #AtoZchallenge2018.

2017 – The Roller Coaster Year

DISCLAIMER

First let me wish you a advance wishes for the new year 2018.

Happy New Year Quotes Wishes Message & SMS for Family 2018

I want to write about the roller coaster ride of 2017, It was no a bad year, but it was not good year either. This year was all about  hospital/clinic visits ,blood work, scans, procedures, pregnancy announcements , baby showers, naming ceremony many more, many more which are a part of this Indian society sigh. I just want to look back  and see how it was and how I have survived all the above, and read when I am low, and know that I am strong and can be an inspiration for others.

 

Let me start with JANUARY,  AF had come on 18th Dec , my gynecologist had told me to do follicle study scan from day 14 until until I ovulate, so the scan went until the first week of Jan, I did not ovulate until the cd 21, I had many follicles but they were growing very slowly, so I went to the doc, my doc told the same, that follicles are there but not growing on time cause of PCOS/PCOD .So my gynec told to do HSG test before further treatments, I waited and waited no signs of AF in Jan.My first cousin and my bro also announced there pregnancy just fifteen days apart. When I started my treatment from June 2016 my cousin sister had announced her pregnancy.

In FEBRUARY I went to meet gynec and told her that no period and its more than one and half month, she told me to check HPT and it was obviously negative, then she told me we will wait until  three months , and if I get period sooner, that I should get hsg test between cd 5 to cd 9. Finally  AF on 18th FEB, and on 24th got my HSG test done.

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In MARCH no AF again, I was just waiting AF to start so that I could start my clomid cycles.Nothing happened in March.I started this blog in March, I wanted  to vent out, I felt I was alone, I knew few friends and cousins who were /went through infertility,but no one was ready to speak about it, its ok its thrre choice ifbthey d9 not want to speak,but touch wood I have many friends where I can share and talk about infertility now.

In APRIL AF finally arrived , stared my first  clomid cycle.I hated the first cycle with 50mg clomid, I had all the side effects, like hot flashes , blur vision and much more. I ovulated on time, but it did not work.

In MAY I started the second clomid cycle but I have fever , diarrhea and nausea,from the day 2 started clomid, it was 50 mg for second cycle too. I ovulated very late on CD 21 or something and it dint work too. In May at our home they decided to start preparation for my SIL’s baby shower,I was wondering how I will face people in the baby shower, but I had to be strong.

The month of JUNE my third  clomid cycle  it stared late since I ovulated late due to health issues in May cycle. It was the baby shower month and my third clomid cycle with increased 100 mg of clomid .I was the one running around for the baby shower, I hated myself for the way I was feeling, I cant even explain. I manged by being strong during the baby shower.

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In JULY I ovulated fine in my third cycle on time, but it did not work. I met my gynecologist who told that since this is not working, she would prefer to do hysteroscopy and if wanted Laparoscopy too, and referred me to RE.

In AUGUST I met RE, showed all my reports and said that my Gynec wants second opinion if I need hystro-lap. She told its better I go for Hystrp-lap, and suggested some blood work for me and BH and SA for BH. Other than that nothing  happened in August.

In SEPTEMBER , hystro-lap was done , what a relief other than nothing happened . I was just waiting for my reports so that I could go ahead with the RE. Only thing I got to know with the lap was that both my tubes were blocked and I had no other choice than IVF.Then the longest ever six week wait.

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In October I finally got my reports and period after 45 days after the lap. Met the RE again with reports but there was so much confusion, due to some reports missing and all. RE told me to come on the second day of the period with all the remaining reports.

I was waiting for the NOVEMBER AF/period but it dint happen, I don’t know why I was not getting my period.Also there was some confusion about my reports which was cleared but not to my and RE’s satisfaction.My dad also was not well that time, it was the hardest month of my life.I waited until end of the month, to get my period but noth7ng happened, so I decided to meet RE to get some tab to get my period.

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I had spotting on DECEMBER 2nd, met RE on 4th Dec, she told my lining is thick I have two cysts on my right ovary and maybe that’s why delay in my period, but luckily it was a harmless cyst.RE also told that unless I get heavy bleeding I cant start my IVF injection so many road blocks.

Then the rest is history finally I started my IVF injections from 16th Dec,It was twelve days of injection, On 28th early morning 2 .00 am was my trigger shot,on 29th was my egg pick up. I will write about how many eggs and and how many have fertilized after meeting the RE tomorrow on January 2018 .Hope 2018 will make our dreams come true and I wish everyone hold our babies soon.HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR TO ALL.Thank you all for being a part of my journey.The last post of the year.

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