The State of my Mind

DISCLAIMER

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I am in a phase of life where the my state of my mind is all confused, angry, sad, happy to an extent too, all mish-mash like this post. I just want to take it out of my system. I wanted to write this post form past few weeks but something or the other would come up and could not write, before you start reading this post I want to warn you because this is a long rant so if your already in a low mood or nothing is going right in your life right  now just ignore and don’t read this post.

When I started IVF treatment I was very positive and all, before starting it was a very different story ,those who been reading my blog would know it. Once all was fine and my injections started I was in a very positive frame of my mind, but obviously was worried if my follicles were growing fine, how many eggs were retrieved ,how many were mature, how many made it to embryo stage , then to day 3 to day 5 to blastocyst  uff, it was never ending but I was some what confident  and things were looking good.

Then came came the major downfall, my lining saga until now it is never ending, all my positivity has gone to the drain, when I started my treatment in this clinic (I want to reveal my clinics name will do it soon, it might help people in Bangalore who want to know  or read the reviews before proceeding their, the clinic has several branches throughout India and has good success rate I have heard lets see how it for me and my friend F.), ok coming back to the original topic when I started the treatment in the clinic, after the my first appointment with the RE I met the counselor.Later when it was confirmed that I would start my first IVF there, I met the counselor after my consultation with RE, she spoke to me very nicely and I felt nice and felt good that I chose this clinic for IVF.I never checked online about the clinic or did nothing about knowing the clinic because it was referred by my Gynecologist, I just went there that’s it.

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Why I am writing about this here is because after that one counselling  session, there was nothing do with the counselor, she would ask me or my friend how we were or whats going on once in a while when we would be waiting in the clinic to meet the RE,  that’s it nothing much. When nothing is progressing with the IVF because of my lining issues and my friend F’s loss which I mentioned here.

Luckily for me and my friend we had  each other, and for me this blog friends support and few more from infertility forum whom I could vent out and get beautiful response, so I am ok, but sometimes I feel its better to meet a professional counselor, here in India counseling is looked down upon but I am in search of a good counselor lets see how it works.

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Why I am writing all this you must be wondering, I am a very strong person, even now I am fine, doing everything I enjoy, doing what I want or I would not even blogged this and  try to take it out of my system, after my lining issues, my friend’s loss, one of my friends 2nd transfer failure , one more friends treatment is not going as expected, another friend dint get any embryos to transfer,failures everywhere, I sometime wonder if this IVF is ever going to work, I am not a pessimistic person, but all these failures are making me feeling low and losing hope. I am wondering is this thing called IVF is ever going to work, I also know many people who have had success with IVF and my own first cousin had her first baby via IVF, but sudden failures from all quarters has made me think like this, I know this phase too will be over,maybe my hormones are on work I was on BCP (birth control pills for down regg) until yesterday, so now I wait for the grand AF to arrive, and go for a baseline scan on day 2 ,to start prepping for the ERA test, and I am done with the rant.

If you have read until here, thank you and also from April I am a part of A to Z challenge check here, so you will see me writing more posts,and my ERA teat  prepping  update.

HSG test in Bangalore

I was and I am all always scared of HSG   hysterosalpingogram test. So finally after six or seven months of natural try, taking tabs , some scans, blood work SA for BH nothing worked, so before going clomid and TI (timed intercourse). My doc suggested HSG test to be done either from day 6 to day 9, I told I am darn scared but I had to do it.

My doc suggested to consult the best radiologist  in Bangalore, but that radiologist  was not giving anesthesia , so searched all the hospitals in Bangalore finally zeroed on two hospitals, read reviews and finalized one hospital which is one of good hospital in Bangalore.

The hospital was Gunasheela Hospital, Jayanagar. Since I am not the regular patient there, there was loads of confusion. I was first giving a mock register number, then they told  me to get some unwanted blood work, even though I had almost blood work done but they wanted me to get it. So I gave the blood for test , then they told me to come next day to meet the anesthetist for checking whether I can take  anesthesia or not.Next day went to the meet the doc he cleared me for taking anesthesia.All my reports are fine so  I was asked to come on day 7 (or I told that I would want it to be done on day 7)and they  gave me some tabs to take on the test day early morning , take only coffee and biscuits and not to eat anything until the procedure,and the test will be done by 12 noon.

I went to the hospital on day seven by 10 am, paid the amount then they gave me a hospital gown to wear.Then they took me to something like operation theater  , there the anesthetist spoke very nicely , as he was speaking they had give IV by then and later the  doc injected something and I lost conscious then after 10 mins or soo they woke me up and told that the test was done, even after the test it was paining, it was like bad period cramps and was bleeding a bit, and  I was not fully conscious.

After maybe two or three hours I felt better, they told me take water, then  they told me take juice after half an hour , then again after half an hour some light food like idly. Then when I felt better they checked me told that all is good and I can go home. It was a long tiring day and HSG was over finally.

Ok my  HSG results, right tube blocked and left tube fine, so one tube is blocked.

Cost – 3000 rs for blood work, 500 rs for  meeting anesthetist  and 6000 rs for HSG test.I felt it was too much, if you are their regular patient it costs less I guess.

PS: Gunasheela Hospital  its very crowded , they dint give any written test report only x-ray report , my gynecologist had to interpret by herself and she gave the report to the in-house radiologist  and he gave interpretation by seeing by x-ray. So for all the amount I paid,  I was not satisfied. Only thing was they were doing the test by under anesthesia.

After HSG I did three clomid cycles I have written here, now my doc is suggested get laparoscopy before further treatment. I will be meeting a new RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist ) suggested by my doc/Gynecologist  then we will decide what and when. It’s a long long journey.

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