Blog Anniversary and much more

DISCLAIMER

I have been MIA from almost three weeks, last year when I started this blog in March I just wrote the first post and vanished until July end. I think in march something happens to me and I don’t write much or nothing atall and yes It’s been a year since I started this blog, I started this blog on March 7th 2017, I wanted to write a post on my blog anniversary day but I have been caught with the twists and turns of life.

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The new plan was working to an extent,my follicles were growing fine, two dominant follicle’s were their but my RE was not satisfied with my lining and she does not want to risk my embryos. Anyways I wanted one full month of drug free and it has happened like the way I wanted. This month from day 15 I am on BCP’s(birth control pills) until 28th March. Then next month on day 2 I need to go for baseline scan, my RE told this cycle will be medicated but with injections and ERA test will be done,then it takes 3 weeks to get the report from Spain, and they will delay my periods so that I will get my period somewhat exact timing of the reports and they can start my FET, so according to my RE, my transfer will be in May, and I am praying that it will work this time.

I had started my acupuncture sessions, and few supplements but it did not help my lining, it might help few people not me.In between I took a second opinion form a different branch of which ever clinic I am going with a different doc, she saw my reports told that I have good embryos and also my lining grew fine in natural cycles and clomid too, maybe progynova tabs wont work for me and some people wont respond to estrogen tabs, she told injections will work for me, my uterus is normal and all, so I am relived, so planning to go with the flow as my doc, the new doc told that same thing going with the flow.

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Then as usual like this typical generation I started googling what ERA is done for, in all the pregnancy and IVF related forums, I read its done for implantation failures, and here I have not even have done one Embryo Transfer (ET), I was confused and worried, I was thinking that she is doing this test just for doing it and nothing else. When I consulted the infertility acupuncturist told about ERA she told that the test is not only done for implantation failure but also for persistent thin lining and your doc does not want to lose the good embryos, but I was not satisfied with her answer and was also not planning to do ERA at that time so left it their.

During my last visit to the clinic it was confirmed that I will be doing ERA next month, my RE also told that I can do ERA next month or wait for one more month, but I am already tired of the waiting game and told her that I will be doing ERA next month itself and asked her all my doubts, then after ERA , will my transfer happen next month after ERA or how what if is lining is still less, she told that’s the reason we do ERA we can know the receptiveness of the lining even if it is less, also with injections we can grow and one more reason she told indirectly was that, with injections and all that the lining will grow and they do not want to miss the window, so this test and in the end she told we will do everything to make you get pregnant but in the end I can give you 70 + 10 (for ERA).

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Once I was back home, again I started googling not the IVF or pregnancy or infertility forms but what ERA is and why, written and explained by doctors and clinics,so this time I read about just ERA not how who has gone through it , when ERA is done and for what its done, its done for two reasons one for obviously implantation failure and the other is for persistent thin lining, In my case she could have tried different method before ERA, but my be its my RE’s protocol I guess and I decided to go with a flow, sometimes we just need to believe and go with the flow.

On another note in one of the post about my friend F, she had transfer in Feb 3rd it was all positive, her beta was fine, but on the 7th week scan no heart beat, so she had to abort the baby, so this IVF/infertility journey is such a frustrating journey until we have our babies in our hand we will never know. If anyone has done ERA test do tell me how it worked for you thank you for reading until here.

Confusions, Infertility, life, People ……

 DISCLAIMER 

On 17th hopefully I will get my APF  or whatever report its called . I am still not convinced that I will get my reports on Tuesday and its very annoying. Last time, twice when I went to clinic  for meeting the gynecologist and know about my reports nothing happened, once they removed stitches sent me home and second time it was just waste of time , and both the times they told me the report will come next time and other time they even confused me about the report dates.

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I am really tired of this waiting game, I am worried about the reports and others life stress are also added too, and I am worried that one or the other hurdle will come before I start IVF. I  am worried about the report , I  just don’t want to wait to start IVF, even though  I am scared about the procedure but I want to start and finish it off, yes you read it right , I also know that it is not easy but still I want to finish it off, I am nervous and confused.

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Then there are people who hurt again and again just because they had a baby within a year or sooner. I wish I could just give back to those people, now days I just don’t react to such situations.I just to try as calm as much as possible. That person told me something like this ” you are a egoist person that’s why you don’t have(kids) what you should have by now” I just asked something which I had given them, this was third or fourth time I was asking them to return it to me, that’s all, that too my tone was low but I was angry that they had not returned it, that’s all was that comment necessary I don’t know, I sometimes feel people plan and hurt. I controlled my teras.

Another thing I hate is people suggesting me IVF , when they don’t even know anything about my treatment, people would have started the treatment by just going to the gynecologist, they don’t know that some people in this infertility journey can have babies with  just clomid cycles, IUI cycles , many more after that only the doctor will suggest IVF, without even knowing what treatments we are taking people just say “why don’t you try  IVF”, I just smile and go but in my head I am like “yeah what about my feelings, my readiness to start it, the financial and physical aspect”, how can they even suggest without knowing anything, maybe they are thinking that they are doing a huge help by suggesting IVF.Like some people suggest about adoption, thanks for the suggestion.

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Another annoying and irritating thing is the pregnancy announcements, one of my cousin just wrote about how she announced her pregnancy on her husbands birthday and how she waited to tell him ,the nine months journey and all, I read commented and cried, everyone has the right to post what they want, so maybe I should block my FB account for sometime until I feel better.I sometimes feel so ashamed and feel silly about myself  to feel like this but I could not control my tears.Then I just chatted with a friend  I  felt better, also I was PMSing , I had not got my period after Laparoscopy , maybe that’s why I was feeling like that. I finally got my period yesterday. I have bad stomach cramps and lower back ache, I just wanted to take this out of my system even in the pain I wanted to write that’s why this post.

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On a lighter note here there is a stray pregnant cat, so we give milk three times a day , when I take milk for the cat ,she tries to come near me and can’t wait to drink the milk, I feel so happy, here the pregnant cats picture, finally hopefully my tomorrows report will be fine and I can go ahead with IVF.I need all your prayers.

The New RE

So I finally meet the new RE, I was actually scared to meet a RE , util now I have only met a gynecologist  for all the treatments, so maybe since I don’t know how it will be with RE I fear I guess don’t know . First they postponed my meeting with RE on Monday to Wednesday. I was worried and not feeling fine on Tuesday to meet RE, I thought will postpone on next Thursday or Friday, I almost decided to move the meeting day to next week,then again decided against it, cause the more I postpone the meeting the more I will feel worried and I don’t know how to explain that feeling hope you understood what all this TTC journey, infertility journey makes us feel sigh.

I had a appointment at 11.45 am, I was there at 11.40 am , first they took all my old reports  and wanted to know who referred me there, after that they took such a long time to register.Then I was send to one room, where a lady created my ID , took all my details where I stay , what me and BH does , then she checked my weight and height, then she told me to empty the bladder and wait ugggg. I hate TVS  (Trans vaginal scan) scans.

Then I meet a junior doc, she took all my details, I told about my ttc journey , my treatments and all. She told me to wait again with empty bladder, but I was sure that the RE wont check me, cause I had just come for second opinion on laparoscopy .

Then I was called in to meet THE RE, she asked me again about my ttc journey and she was like ,why did you take such a long time to take treatment, we had our reasons I gave her some reason. She told she wants to check me to check If my eggs are good, that’s the  TVS scan I asked her if it was necessary at this point of time, she told , we women don’t produce eggs like how men can produce  semen all there life time, we are born with eggs and it decreases as we grow old, for some the egg will be less even at 25 or 30 , so it depend on each women, hesitatingly  I went for check up. Then after  check up she told my eggs are good for my age, on right ovary I had one dominant follicle and many on left , She told me to get AMH test for myself to know about my eggs via blood work too. Then she told me to do get some more blood work for me and BH and also SA for BH in there hospital only, she told they can give better result then any other lab cause they are infertility clinic. Then we better get lap done and decide whether we go for IUI or IVF directly.

So next week all the blood work and BH’s tests will be done then will be meeting her again before lap and then the next course will be decided after lap only. So lets see how it goes.

 

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TTC and life around IT….

My TTC journey you can from here.In July  19th 2016 when we decided to meet the recommended gynecologist, first thing that came to my mind was all the invasive check ups because I know these check ups and dint pursue many time in the past, but this time I had to do it. I am already in early thirties , and I just wanted my baby, so I made up my mind to be stronger . Finally when we met the doc, and she got to know about our ttc journey , she asked me and BH to get some blood work done and SA (semen analysis).

Our results were out, mine all are fine only LH was on lower side. BH’s SA counts were good , morphology was good but motility was on lower side. I was told to take cetaptin   500 mg two times a day  and folic acid one tab per day , some mineral powder for BH  and doc told me to try naturally for three months if it not worked we ll see what can be done next.

Nothing happened in three are four months, went back to doc she told me to just do follicle scan  without medication to check whether I am ovulating naturally or not and SA  for BH to know how it is now after three months, so that she can decide what can be done next. On day 13 I went scanning  had many small follicles ,then went for alternate day scans but the growth was very slow. Then I waited to get my period which was delayed and got my period exactly after 60 days that’s two months sigh.BH’s SA this time were same again little lesser compared to last time but not much difference.

Met my doc  after AF (Auntflow/period) she told to get HSG test between day 6 to day 8, one of the most dreaded test, I was scared .I told my doc that I was scared of the test, she told if I am scared then we ll have to do Laparoscopy, so she told its better to first take HSG then we can decide what can be done next. So got HSG test on day 7 , will write in detail about the test.

According to HSG result my right tube was blocked  and my left was partial spill or maybe it was fine  not sure.From next cycle I was put on clomid 50 mg from day 2 to day 6. My first  cycle failed, next cycle was also 50 mg clomid which failed again. Third cycle I was on 100 mg clomid it failed too.

In all the cycles my follicle grew nicely  up to 20 mm to 24 mm and ruptured/ovulated on my own on day 17/18, only second cycle I was very unwell and I ovulated on day 23 I think so, but I did ovulate on my own in all cycles. Its a long tiring journey.

Next what, will update soon.

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