Infertility life is all about juggling between the real me and trying to be fine me. I know that I am struggling with infertility, but that does not mean people around me also should sulk with my problems, their are days when I want to run away from everyone, even from my BH,I just want to be alone not answer questions from every tom. dick and harry.
This Indian society is always inquisitive like the invasive infertility treatments, everyone has a problem about us not having babies, so I have to be balance my feelings, talk as if nothing is happening in my life and I am ok. There are times I am actually ok, and it’s ok to be ok right, I don’t always have to be sad, but people around us feel bad for us and make us feel like I we are useless person, because we cant have a baby like normal people, it’s not their problem right, but that’s life. I need to juggle my life and emotions between the real well wishers and unwanted people.
Jealousy is a much debated topic among our infertility warriors. Jealousy makes me feel bad about myself but when people announce their pregnancy specifically my younger bro, cousins, friends and all I feel why ? God it’s so easy for them and it’s so so very difficult for me/us, for few people they want babies and they have babies, for few they want after a year or two and exactly after that predicted period boom they are pregnant and don’t even talk about accident pregnancies.
When the infertility warriors announce their pregnancy I feel happy because it’s a victory and I feel that I too will achieve the same in some time, but it’s different when other normal people announce their pregnancy, its the green eyed monster I can’t help.The jealousy feeling is only for sometime maybe for few minutes until I digest the fact, then I am genuinely happy for them, I love my nephew and all the jealousy was gone in the wind the moment I saw him.Its all a part of infertility life.
PS:I am not a doctor, these are just my findings, my experiences and my infertility warrior friends experiences,which are a part of my life. I am half doctor myself because we go though so much,sometimes I feel I know my diagnosis better than my RE(Reproductive Endocrinologist). Hope these posts make some sense for people who are not a part of this journey.This post is a part of #AtoZchallenge2018.