Finally A Breather

DISCLAIMER

Yes I got my reports finally. I was so tensed until I spoke to the doctor, the wait to meet the doctor was never ending .  It was such a relief  to talk to  the doctor, she told that all my reports  have come normal and I can now meet the RE with these reports. I asked her again that all is fine or what, she told yeah as of now all the reports are fine, but I din’t understand what she meant by ” as of now all is fine”, anyways I don’t want to dwell too much on it ,it is fine that’s it.

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The smear test, tissue , culture whatever all is fine is what I need to start IVF. I am sacred and excited at the same time,the roller coaster of emotions of IVF even before I have started the process. I need to be strong mentally first thing than anything, God give me strength that’s all I ask.On another note, I will be going to a naming ceremony tomorrow. It is of my first cousins first baby, so I need to go or it wont be nice, so I need to be more stronger than the IVF procedure . I will be meeting RE on Monday and know the details about IVF.

PS: (before reading the next part I want to tell you these are my opinions and experience, please don’t try to judge me and no negative comments please)

Today my bro wanted to ask something related to him to a very new astrologer, I had gone with him to meet the astrologer. My bro, mom and mil told me to ask, will the IVF be successful for me,I was in two minds whether to ask or not. I do believe in astrology but only to an extent, I believe more in the almighty then any predictions.

 

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The astrologer told that  I will not have kids , then he told IVF  will not be successful  now but it will be successful in 2020. I just listened no reaction at all, because I know my God better than anyone, I was very unfazed with whatever he said, also my mom and mil have asked some experienced astrologers where they have never ever told I will not have kids they have told that it will be late that’s all, whatever I am going ahead with IVF. I will do IVF and the results  I have left to my GOD, I know its easier said than done but that’s all I can do.

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The long Weekend & the most wanted Break…..

Disclaimer :: please read the DISCLAIMER before reading my blog posts.

This six week wait is very annoying and I just wanted a break from the routine and as always  I write about my infertility journey in this blog. I sometimes think  or I am actually obsessed about my infertility journey, and those emotional rants because of this infertility journey which I keep posting here, but I can’t help I want my baby that’s all, that’s the one thing In my mind always, not matter what, my baby is always at the back of my mind, so jotting down my thoughts here makes me feel better.

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It was a long weekend here, because of Dusshera festival and October 2nd Gandhi Jayanthi holidays here In India. So we decided to go to our holiday home, which is three hours drive from our place. Usually only me and BH go there, this time my in-laws decided to come with us, I was ok and I was not ok. Our holiday home is where the famous Dusshera happens, so the place was all lit up, so much festivity around, it’s the place you have to be when you want to know and feel the rich culture of India.

Since in-laws were with us, we mostly did loads of temple trips. It was tiring and blissful at the same time I must say, I and MIL (mother-in-law) are very close, like best friends and sometime she is a typical MIL, sigh. One thing I want to write about this trip was, we had gone to a Venugopala Temple, it’s just half an hour drive from our home, but this time we went there after going to many temples from morning.

At the Venagopala Temple, I felt very nice and calm, I was at peace.The temple has large prahara (compound), like inside near the grabha griha, outside the temple and again third compound, it’s a big temple; usually South Indian temples are big and majestic. It was peaceful loads of water all around because its near KRS dam .

When we came out of the temple, fully outside of the temple, me and BH walked  around the temple, just walk a blissful walk  no speaking nothing at all, just peace no talking about TTC infertility journey or anything in this world, our silence spoke that’s all I know, one of those beautiful blissful moments of my life. I just wanted to write it here that’s why this post here, and read when I am low.These sentence can’t explain those few moments.

Then when  we were back home, I and BH  were talking about, how nice and relaxing time it was. Then I told him, how I  wish we had  our  little one round we would have gone behind her/him so that she/he does not get hurt, or go behind someone, or just to keep an eye on her/him, sigh infertility journey never gets out of our system I guess. Anyways I will leave you with the pictures; the pictures will speak more about Temple  and the Dusshera.

PS: these picture were clicked by Me and BH.

PS: Some of the pics were sent by friends and one from google.

The Amazing Support….

Disclaimer :: please read the DISCLAIMER before reading my blog posts.

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I have always written about negative people in my life in this blog , so I thought I must write here about the amazing support I have here, from this blogging community, friends from Indus- ladies forum, few close friends and  of course my BH , mom, mil , cousins and few more from my  family.There are so many un-supportive  people but this post is not about them,  its  about the support that is making my journey bearable .I always felt I am alone in this journey and people who have not gone though this infertility journey will never understand.

Sometimes I fight with my mom and mil when they suggest/advice me on infertility treatments , they have no intentions to hurt me but those advice’s are not necessary for me because  they do not know about infertility journey and its treatment too, I  just get angry sometimes and yell at them,but I know they feel helpless sometimes and talk too me so I am sorry Ma and MIL if I  hurt you, but still I want to add that they don’t know how it feels, they don’t even know how it feels every month or years we keeping hoping it will happen and that its a never ending frustrating journey  that only we can understand.

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There are few people who even though have no idea about this infertility journey and nor do I want them to experience it, but they try to understand and I really appreciate it and I am really happy about those people in my life. My cousin T had a baby in Feb she is one person who never made me feel that she got pregnant easily and she see’s me as strong person, that I can handle anything but only I know that I am breaking everyday, ok that’s not the point but she knows how to make me feel better. My BFF R is one person feels for me, but when she came to know about out TTC woes, she was not able understand me,I was very hurt when she said “just relax” “it’s God’d will” “it will happen” etc but now she thinks before she speaks and tries to understand me.

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Then there is S from Indus-ladies who encourages me , understands me, supports me and when I am afraid of the procedures the way she makes those so minute and very smaller than the result  which our baby is and the relief I feel after speaking I cant describe in words, I just love here for that, we hardly know our real names or anything but I feel so good chatting with her. Then there is one more person from Indus-ladies D where we both are almost sailing in the same boat and we are still getting to know each other.Then the amazing blogging community who never make me feel that I am alone at all those comments make my day, I love your support , those posts, comments  and when I have doubts you clear those it is such a great support, thank you all.

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Update: Today I will be meeting to get my reports on whatever pending reports after Laparoscopy which I have mentioned in my last post, so will know what next in this irritating journey.will update more soon.