M for Money Matters & MACS #A to Z Challenge

DISCLAIMER

Money money money it is what you need for IVF or any infertility treatments, and these treatments are so so expensive. We cant help but pay from our pockets, and as I have written here in India their no insurance coverage for any infertility treatments.During infertility treatments, their is no guarantee that how much  ever your clinic quotes is the final amount, Its never ending until you have the baby in your hand.

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MACS test is done during IVF-ICSI. MACS test is another added expensive test., icsi is where they take the best sperm and inject in the egg for fertilization. If you opt for the MACS test, they use technology and the magnet picks the best sperm and that sperm is injected in the egg to fertilize.When this was suggested by my RE during my IVF-ICSI I was thinking again an added expense, but now its better thinking what all my friend F is going through, this treatment cant guarantee success, for that matter of fact any of the infertility treatments don’t give guarantee, it just increase the success rate.

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PS:I am not a doctor, these are just my findings, my experiences and my infertility warrior friends experiences,which are a part of my life. I am half doctor myself because we go though so much,sometimes I feel I know my diagnosis better than my RE(Reproductive Endocrinologist). Hope these posts make some sense for people who are not a part of this journey.This post is a part of #AtoZchallenge2018.

IVF – Part 4

DISCLAIMER

Happy new year to all my readers, have a great year ahead and hope all dreams come true and hold out babies soon. All the TTC ladies are in my prayers.I still can’t believe its 2018. Last Jan when I was in the middle of the infertility treatment, I was still in those beginning phase of the treatment and was so sure will conceive in one of those clomid or one of the IUI’s, but the universe had some other plans I guess. As I type this, still there is no baby in my belly. I could have been PUPO(Pregnant Until Proven) by yesterday but I asked my RE for day five transfer.

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Ok coming back to the part 4 of out IVF, on 29th  Dec 2017 on the auspicious day of Vaikunta Ekadhasi according to our Hindu calendar, my egg pick up/retrieval (ER) was done by 1.30 pm, according to my trigger shot timings of 35 to 36 hours.I was praying that I should get at least 12 to 15 eggs, but we got only 10.In the morning before ER BH had to give fresh SA, but he had to give it soon , as he had some important meeting , so there was so much confusion but finally the embryologist agreed to give it sooner and BH gave the fresh sample left, even though there was frozen back up, that morning confusions was very taxing.

After the ER , when I woke up, RE came up to me and told that they got 10 eggs, lets see how the fertilization is, we will know about it tomorrow and went away before I could ask any questions.I was very angry about myself that I got only 10, by then my friend F came to meet me,  about whom I have mentioned   here and here. My friend told why are you even feeling bad when others don’t even get a egg or more less than yours, I was like I am worried about me I din’t want to compare  myself with anyone at that point.Anyways I felt better speaking to her.

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When I was declared fine by the duty doctor to go home,RE had  prescribed some tabs until I meet her on Monday day 3, seeing those tabs , my friend F told you might have fresh transfer, I was like it cant be, but those tabs were for readying me for the fresh transfer. I was confused and shocked cause I had prepared myself mentally for FET. I have written about it here so many times.I am on vaginal progesterone and one more tab I don’t know the name the other tablet for preparing for ET, those tabs are making me feel confused, heart burn,nauseous and very tired.

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I left the clinic praying all of our  eggs to be fertilized and not to think about the ET (Embryo Tranfer). Until the next day I was so darn nervous, until I got to know about our fertiliation. The report was 9 eggs were mature and 7 had fertilized, that was a ok news o me, I was ok fine. Then prayed that they all grow fine, praying was the only choice I had, that’s what I did on the last weekend of 2017.

Monday JAN 1 st 2018, I went to the clinic, the junior doc did the scan, she told my lining is good and after ER there was some fluid  in the utreus, that fluid was also not there everything was looking good , so they wanted me to do day three transfer.I was not able to react, I asked can we do day 5 transfer, the blastocyst transfer,they were like we will check with RE and then decide.

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I met the RE she was busy with ER with other patients, she said.She told that success rate does not vary much, most of my patients have had success with day 3 transfer, decide what you want and called the embryologist. The embryologist showed me the report, all 7 were going good on day 3,only one was slight behind but that also was good grade, they told it might catch up.

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This was the first time in my life that I took decision without consulting BH / mom/ mil or anyone,and the decision was made within a minute, I just told, that mentally blastocyst  transfer would be fine for me.Now tomorrow I will know how many have made it to blasts.RE suggested that if I want day 5 transfer then freeze two day 3 embryo which are actually really good,remaining 5 we can let it grow, in case we lose all during the day 5 we have two day 3 back up, so fingers crossed that all five grow on day 5, and I can get done with ET tomorrow, my friend  F told that even her  few d grade embryo grew until day 5, mine was grade b embies so it should grow fine she told, I was nervous after taking the decision she told just go with the flow it will work out. Please pray that my embryos grow and I can have ET tomorrow.

2017 – The Roller Coaster Year

DISCLAIMER

First let me wish you a advance wishes for the new year 2018.

Happy New Year Quotes Wishes Message & SMS for Family 2018

I want to write about the roller coaster ride of 2017, It was no a bad year, but it was not good year either. This year was all about  hospital/clinic visits ,blood work, scans, procedures, pregnancy announcements , baby showers, naming ceremony many more, many more which are a part of this Indian society sigh. I just want to look back  and see how it was and how I have survived all the above, and read when I am low, and know that I am strong and can be an inspiration for others.

 

Let me start with JANUARY,  AF had come on 18th Dec , my gynecologist had told me to do follicle study scan from day 14 until until I ovulate, so the scan went until the first week of Jan, I did not ovulate until the cd 21, I had many follicles but they were growing very slowly, so I went to the doc, my doc told the same, that follicles are there but not growing on time cause of PCOS/PCOD .So my gynec told to do HSG test before further treatments, I waited and waited no signs of AF in Jan.My first cousin and my bro also announced there pregnancy just fifteen days apart. When I started my treatment from June 2016 my cousin sister had announced her pregnancy.

In FEBRUARY I went to meet gynec and told her that no period and its more than one and half month, she told me to check HPT and it was obviously negative, then she told me we will wait until  three months , and if I get period sooner, that I should get hsg test between cd 5 to cd 9. Finally  AF on 18th FEB, and on 24th got my HSG test done.

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In MARCH no AF again, I was just waiting AF to start so that I could start my clomid cycles.Nothing happened in March.I started this blog in March, I wanted  to vent out, I felt I was alone, I knew few friends and cousins who were /went through infertility,but no one was ready to speak about it, its ok its thrre choice ifbthey d9 not want to speak,but touch wood I have many friends where I can share and talk about infertility now.

In APRIL AF finally arrived , stared my first  clomid cycle.I hated the first cycle with 50mg clomid, I had all the side effects, like hot flashes , blur vision and much more. I ovulated on time, but it did not work.

In MAY I started the second clomid cycle but I have fever , diarrhea and nausea,from the day 2 started clomid, it was 50 mg for second cycle too. I ovulated very late on CD 21 or something and it dint work too. In May at our home they decided to start preparation for my SIL’s baby shower,I was wondering how I will face people in the baby shower, but I had to be strong.

The month of JUNE my third  clomid cycle  it stared late since I ovulated late due to health issues in May cycle. It was the baby shower month and my third clomid cycle with increased 100 mg of clomid .I was the one running around for the baby shower, I hated myself for the way I was feeling, I cant even explain. I manged by being strong during the baby shower.

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In JULY I ovulated fine in my third cycle on time, but it did not work. I met my gynecologist who told that since this is not working, she would prefer to do hysteroscopy and if wanted Laparoscopy too, and referred me to RE.

In AUGUST I met RE, showed all my reports and said that my Gynec wants second opinion if I need hystro-lap. She told its better I go for Hystrp-lap, and suggested some blood work for me and BH and SA for BH. Other than that nothing  happened in August.

In SEPTEMBER , hystro-lap was done , what a relief other than nothing happened . I was just waiting for my reports so that I could go ahead with the RE. Only thing I got to know with the lap was that both my tubes were blocked and I had no other choice than IVF.Then the longest ever six week wait.

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In October I finally got my reports and period after 45 days after the lap. Met the RE again with reports but there was so much confusion, due to some reports missing and all. RE told me to come on the second day of the period with all the remaining reports.

I was waiting for the NOVEMBER AF/period but it dint happen, I don’t know why I was not getting my period.Also there was some confusion about my reports which was cleared but not to my and RE’s satisfaction.My dad also was not well that time, it was the hardest month of my life.I waited until end of the month, to get my period but noth7ng happened, so I decided to meet RE to get some tab to get my period.

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I had spotting on DECEMBER 2nd, met RE on 4th Dec, she told my lining is thick I have two cysts on my right ovary and maybe that’s why delay in my period, but luckily it was a harmless cyst.RE also told that unless I get heavy bleeding I cant start my IVF injection so many road blocks.

Then the rest is history finally I started my IVF injections from 16th Dec,It was twelve days of injection, On 28th early morning 2 .00 am was my trigger shot,on 29th was my egg pick up. I will write about how many eggs and and how many have fertilized after meeting the RE tomorrow on January 2018 .Hope 2018 will make our dreams come true and I wish everyone hold our babies soon.HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR TO ALL.Thank you all for being a part of my journey.The last post of the year.

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LIFE & TIMES

DISCLAIMER 

I have been a bit busy with loads of things in life. Sometimes life give us such a twist or a jolt I must say.I wanted to write so much, I  wanted to update here as much as possible, but some times life just fully pulls you into its in unpredictable ways .I am not working as of now, I am glad I am and not working or looking after my dads business at this point of time. Actually that’s what I was doing before, but those things are changing for time being. My dads not well, and will be going for surgery on Monday, he neglected his health now its like he has to be operated to be fine.It is not a major or minor surgery, its something in between,so my dads doctor has told that he will be fine and not to worry so that’s a relief as of now.

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So yes, its a surgery for him and also I guess I will be starting my injection/simulations and scans and what not I don’t know at the same time I guess. I should get my period by Monday, sometimes my periods are irregular so I don’t know when AF will start and when I will start IVF. I have written and said this hundred times,  and I will say it again and again until I am done , I am excited and nervous at the same time for the IVF sigh.


UPDATES

Last week we had gone to the clinic to show some of my pending reports and BH had to give semen for freezing. Freezing is just a back up, he has do do it again😁 during egg retrieval, for fresh sample, sigh. When I asked them why twice🤔, they told sometimes husbands wont be able to give sample on egg retrieval day, they are nervous or whatever, that’s why back up they told.

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My reports sigh, its a never ending saga. In the hospital I did Hystro-lap  did not give TB PCR report, the explanation for that is if APF culture  is fine/ negative means everything  is fine and that’s what even RE told last time but still she wanted the report, anyways after speaking to hundred people in the hospital they told the same story that that is APF report is fine means they don’t do TB PCR test, and that they would reimburse the money which I paid for the test.

I went to the hospital  last Monday to get my money back, they told it will take two to three days, but  its more then two weeks I have still not got the money. I called this Wednesday,because I din’t get any call from the hospital, they told me to come on Friday but I am a bit busy today will be going tomorrow, hopefully without any drama they will reimburse my money.


As I said that I have been busy with so many things happening in life, yesterday I had a very nice break. I had to go somewhere, but it got cancelled at the last minute, so I went to parlor got a nice facial done, it was  so very relaxing. I came back home and no one was there at home, so saw a Hindi movie after such a long time, it was so so so… good and relaxing and I enjoyed the movie, without any interruption, then I slept nicely , got up made nice my favorite black coffee just people watched from balcony/patio it was a great day.

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My BFF forced me to tell Vishnu Sahasranaman , she felt it will do good for my IVF cycle spiritually. My BFF is in London from 4 years, but the distance has made no difference in our friendship, she keeps giving me spiritual advice’s and I am glad to have her as my friend  and we connect you see. I am already doing lot spiritually, prayers and poojas, but she told just recite Vishnu Sahasranamam, so I started it from last Monday, I feel very nice and calm, Thank you R.


Hopefully AF will start soon and I can start with IVF, this waiting game is very frustrating.It’s either waiting because of the blood, biopsy or whatever test reports, then the doctors or clinic mistakes, doctors timings and my own body which I don’t want to talk negative about. It’s CD 33 and I am still waiting for AF. Hopefully I will start soon :).

 

 

Never Ending ….

DISCLAIMER

Until I start IVF it is never ending reports and meeting the doctors. I knew all this but it feels never ending . I met RE on Monday, seeing my  AMH and BH’s semen analysis she told we’ll do two IUI’s if that does not work we can start IVF, she told this even before seeing my other reports. I told her that both my tubes are blocked , she was like “oh I did not see that”,So its IVF for you she told, I knew that thank you.

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Then she checked my other reports and told everything is fine, but I cant find TB PCR report and discharge summary after Hystro-laparoscopy , sigh. I had to go back to the hospital where my gynecologist did hystro-lap and get both those reports, it’s never ending I must say. When I went to the hospital to take my report first they told I will get the report in  ten minutes then , later they told it will come by evening. then next day never ending did I say.

Next day I called in the morning, they told they will call back in 10 minutes but I never got call until 3 pm, I called them and scolded them. At that time they are telling that if AFP culture, smear , tissue  whatever all the reports are negative/fine means PCR also will be negative so  they don’t test that and I can take back that money, I was relieved but also  irritated with all this, and felt so many hurdles before I start IVF.

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Ok coming back to my meeting with RE, she then explained that I will be starting IVF from second day of my period. They will be doing IVF- ICSI , even though BH’s SA is good. When I asked why? they told the success rate is more in ICSI. Then she told that since my AMH is good I might have chances of OHSS, I was shocked, but was just listening, she told there are Chances of OHSS but I can’t tell it will happen , don’t worry much we will take care of you that’s what she told I think. So maybe it wont be a fresh transfer, we will do FET cycle , but fresh transfer or FET will be know depending upon how my health will be at that time. Then I asked the doctor for IVF many people start with Birth Control Pills(BCP) why she is starting for me from just day 2  , she told that in other clinics they take control of your cycle when there are too many patients, but here we concentrate on less people , so we start with second day of your periods, that’s it.

Then met the finance person, got the details, she explained well . She split the amount for what  is for what and all.The total cost of IVF , plus some MACS test for selecting best sperm for ICSI,  cost for freezing the  embryo for 4 , if there are more than four , again some more thousands of  rupees  sigh, then extra more  money if it is FET cycle . The injections can be taken by the nurse in the clinic she told, if my home is near, so mostly those injection days I  will be going to clinic daily I think so, even though the clinic is just 7 to 8 KM, but in this Bangalore traffic it will take 30 to 45 mins in non peak traffic time, so mostly the timing will be between 11 am to 12 pm noon.

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Then met the in house counselor who spoke very nicely, I felt good. She told me eat good food, not to eat out, walk as much as possible, yoga , pranayama , not to fall sick and in general spoke very nicely made me feel better, she also told I could speak to her if I want to, also there was a infertility talk next day , she told I could come if I want too. I also told about my blog and a India Infertility group me and a friend are trying to start so we can make others feel we are not alone. It was good.

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Tomorrow again I will be meeting  RE again to give the final reports and BH will be giving semen for freezing, he can give fresh semen during egg retrival too, this just for a back up and we are  paying for semen freezing obviously .This  has become a never ending post, hopefully my meeting with RE go fine and I should go next on day 2 of my period for starting IVF.I need your prayers.

 

INFERTILITY & …………………………MEN

DISCLAIMER 

No I am not writing/talking about male infertility diagnoses , I want to know how they feel and deal mentally / psychologically  with Infertility. How I wish I could know , how men deal with infertility. I want to know in general how men deal with it. I do not want to know when only  a man has  been diagnosed with infertility how he feels and deals with it. I want to know even if the problem is only  from the men’s side or  only  with the wife /spouse  or if both the husband and wife were diagnosed with infertility. I want to understand know how they feel and mainly how they deal with it. We women speak to our girl friends, there are online forums, of course blogging and many more outlets for women but what about the men.

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Whats in my BH’s mind, seriously I wonder whats in his mind most of the time. In our case I have more problem compared to his, like pcod/pcos, tube blocks, hormonal imbalance and what not, his SA is fine most of the time. Whenever we meet our RE she tells me in our case the  problem is main mine then BH’s , so I wonder how he feels and when people ask him when we are going to have kids, that too in our Indian society it difficult to handle such situations. for men its even more difficult.In the beginning they ask only women but after few years, even men are not spared, but more subtly then for women.

 

I asked BH how he feels with all this  monthly treatment( for me obviously)he told “I don’t know what to say”. I din’t pester him much. I know he feels bad every time I have to take tabs , go through those blood and urine work , invasive tests , surgeries whatnot. Sometimes he tells me to please stop it may effect my health and he gets angry why do we need to do so much, I just keep quite because, I know he feels for me at that moment and then realizes for what we are doing this.

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Then there are times he asks me when are we staring the IVF procedure.I wonder does he fully understand this journey, I guess I won’t know what he feels because I feel , men or my man does not want to talk much about this topic.When I carry babies in front of him or show my nephew/niece videos who were all born this year , he does not like it I don’t what I should think about this behavior of his.

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Wish he could be more understanding , more supportive not just coming to fertility clinic to give samples or for blood works, I know those are necessary but I need more support from him. I am not telling he is not supportive or always  be obsessive like me, but little more understating will be more better or maybe I am asking too much ,he is not always supportive, sometimes he just wants  it to be, let go for sometime, but I cant that , that’s why theses conflicts in me I guess, I think I should try and understand him. I don’t know what I am writing.If you have read this post until now, you’re great.

Anyways I would love know how your better half supports you and if not how you would want them to support you.

Updates and Rants …..

After loads of emotional posts,I wanted to post about my consultations with  both the RE and my Gynecologist, but in India you just get stuck in the daily Indian dramas. Here it was one of the big festivals  In India on Thursday and Friday. It is the Ganesha Chaturthi so was busy shopping for festival and meeting doctors too.Then  later so many other things happened.

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On Friday I wanted to write, but again my  pregnant SIL (sister in law, brother’s wife) was crying in pain , she has some gal-bladder stone and it has aggravated due to hormonal changes during pregnancy, so we were very nervous, my bro took her to hospital , this is the fourth time she is admitted in hospital, she is fine now, luckily the baby is fine. She conceived exactly 2 or 3 months after the wedding , she is 9 years younger than me (she is 24 years). She has become pregnant without much effort so she is not bothered, she was asking the doctor to do cesarean and to keep the baby in incubator because she was in pain due to the gal-bladder stone, this was  when she  was just eight months (now she is 8.5 months), the doctor scolded her and told the baby will be pre-mature if we do that. She just wants the baby out that’s all not bothered about its well-being, now she is 36 weeks  so doctor has told to wait until 38 weeks.

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Here we are struggling to get pregnant and people want to just finish it off like it is some unwanted chore, they have got it easily so they don’t know the value, God why do you do this……

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OK now my reports ,got mine and BH’s blood reports and his SA result too. They even wanted to get us cleared with HIV, HBSAG, HCV, VDRL, Rubella( Rubella was only for me) etc all was clear and perfect for both of us, this is a routine check up here in India  when we first go to meet RE.

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MY REPORTS

Mine is Arcuate Uterus, this info I knew from my HSG reports itself.I read it fine , and no problem for conceiving, but I would like to know from first hand experienced person, who has arcuate uterus.

TSH – THYROID, PROLOCTIN ,AMH (EGGS) – 4.93 NG/ML , FSH all good, all other blood work reports are fine.

BH’s REPORT

SA – good count, motility and morphology is on lower side.

So both RE and gynecologist have suggested Hystro-lap/Hystroscopy after I get my period. Then later RE told we can try two  IUI’s and then later IVF cause I am in early thirties.

Has anyone done Hystro-lap, do let me know about the procedure and how it has worked for you.

 

The New RE

So I finally meet the new RE, I was actually scared to meet a RE , util now I have only met a gynecologist  for all the treatments, so maybe since I don’t know how it will be with RE I fear I guess don’t know . First they postponed my meeting with RE on Monday to Wednesday. I was worried and not feeling fine on Tuesday to meet RE, I thought will postpone on next Thursday or Friday, I almost decided to move the meeting day to next week,then again decided against it, cause the more I postpone the meeting the more I will feel worried and I don’t know how to explain that feeling hope you understood what all this TTC journey, infertility journey makes us feel sigh.

I had a appointment at 11.45 am, I was there at 11.40 am , first they took all my old reports  and wanted to know who referred me there, after that they took such a long time to register.Then I was send to one room, where a lady created my ID , took all my details where I stay , what me and BH does , then she checked my weight and height, then she told me to empty the bladder and wait ugggg. I hate TVS  (Trans vaginal scan) scans.

Then I meet a junior doc, she took all my details, I told about my ttc journey , my treatments and all. She told me to wait again with empty bladder, but I was sure that the RE wont check me, cause I had just come for second opinion on laparoscopy .

Then I was called in to meet THE RE, she asked me again about my ttc journey and she was like ,why did you take such a long time to take treatment, we had our reasons I gave her some reason. She told she wants to check me to check If my eggs are good, that’s the  TVS scan I asked her if it was necessary at this point of time, she told , we women don’t produce eggs like how men can produce  semen all there life time, we are born with eggs and it decreases as we grow old, for some the egg will be less even at 25 or 30 , so it depend on each women, hesitatingly  I went for check up. Then after  check up she told my eggs are good for my age, on right ovary I had one dominant follicle and many on left , She told me to get AMH test for myself to know about my eggs via blood work too. Then she told me to do get some more blood work for me and BH and also SA for BH in there hospital only, she told they can give better result then any other lab cause they are infertility clinic. Then we better get lap done and decide whether we go for IUI or IVF directly.

So next week all the blood work and BH’s tests will be done then will be meeting her again before lap and then the next course will be decided after lap only. So lets see how it goes.

 

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