ERA Result & Updates

DISCLAIMER

I feel just lost, their is so much to do but I am not able to, I feel like life is just a drag, because of the cycle cancellations and all, and as I mentioned in my last post RE was out of town or something, also my ERA report was delayed, so my last cycle was cancelled.I am ok now, do I have any choice other then being ok.

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Once again started my HRT cycle from 29th May, do I have hope? I do not know, at least not now, I am just living like a zombie. Last night I had a dream where my RE is checking my lining and it was only 1.8 mm😣😥 I just woke up in the middle of the night, I am thinking too much I think, tomorrow is my 8th day of HRT cycle, you can read about how HRT cycle works here. I will be going for my lining check tomorrow hoping my lining would have grown ok if not great

I am doing everything in my capacity to make this cycle work, I am eating home cooked food ,walking, pranyama, meditation and planning to add yoga too . I love my black coffee I am slowly reducing taking coffee, and will stop complete after my progesterone is started.I am praying , in the end that’s all I can do,  I am doing everything in my capacity and leavening rest to God.

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My ERA test result, the good news is my lining is receptive but, but I need extra 12 hours of progesterone, so that’s a relief and in this cycle if my lining ok they know the receptive window so RE will work around it I think. My RE had told me that whenever my transfer happens she will just transfer according to my ERA timeline. I am having loads of hopes this cycle, hopefully my body wont let me down this time, until then I just have to hold on to hope just hope.

R for Research #A to Z Challenge

DISCLAIMER

One advise I would like to give for infertility warriors is that research before you proceed. Researching about the medicines is easy, but don’t go too much into it, for your body which medicine will suit or work your RE or Doctor will know better, don’t go too much into medicines read just what you need and leave it don’t brood about it,there will be times when you would want to know whats happening with your body, how will that tablet or injection or procedure work for you, if you have doubts and questions regarding the medicines ask your doctor and go with the flow.

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I would say research more about how to manage or handle yourself and your partner emotionally and mentally. The infertility treatments are very draining physically , emotionally and financially as I have said in my earlier posts.

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Infertility treatments puts loads of stress mentally because you don’t know what’s happening with you most of the time. The the failures , cancellation of the cycles , miscarriages, even if your successful with the treatments you will be worried until you  have your baby in your hand, and then the pregnancy announcements, baby shower’s and much more, this all is very disturbing it’s very difficult to handle all these at once. Try to speak about your journey with who ever you feel comfortable with and who will understand you journey.There are loads of support groups online.If you like writing write a blog,do write it helps when you jot down your feelings and you will definitely feel better. So research more how you will handle emotionally, because many people wont talk about infertility openly. This is infertility life.


 

PS:I am not a doctor, these are just my findings, my experiences and my infertility warrior friends experiences,which are a part of my life. I am half doctor myself because we go though so much,sometimes I feel I know my diagnosis better than my RE(Reproductive Endocrinologist). Hope these posts make some sense for people who are not a part of this journey.This post is a part of #AtoZchallenge2018.

G for Google #A to Z Challenge

DISCLAIMER

Google is the my biggest problem now for me, because anything my RE tells I just google immediately and confuse me. I wont deny sometimes it makes me feel better after reading it, but then it does not exactly concern to my infertility treatment , its something about a research or someone else who has gone through it.My body type is different and body type of the person experience I would be reading would be different right, so obviously her results are different , I read her success story and will be happy, and when the same thing does not work for me I start feeling low.

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Its been almost 1 year 8 months of infertility treatment, I finally decided I am not going to google anything about my treatment, tests , procedures and all, I will just go with the flow, my doubts will be cleared/answered by my doctor that’s all no one else.I am not able to believe myself that I have not googled about my FET or ERA, from last few weeks, I am at peace. I do google other things, I am not against google at all, its just this infertility topic is very sensitive,I want to avoid it and be at peace and take in whatever comes my way😊.

The Bumpy Ride & A Break

DISCLAIMER

As you read the title, my IVF journey has been always been a  bumpy ride nothing has worked accordingly, there has been delays, not knowing what next, now cancellations too,I am tired of this even though its just the beginning and hopefully it will work fine in the end. So after my last post I just wanted to disappear, and seriously I just wanted a break,also I knew at the back of my mind this cycle wont work due to my lining issues and that’s what  happened.

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On the 25th our 11th anniversary I went for my scan, I just knew this wont work also on 31st there was a  lunar eclipse on which day I did not wanted to be in TWW, I wanted to go for our anniversary trip as planned in November,so many things and so my lining was the same 6.4 mm or 6.7 mm something it had shrunk back like 0.2 mm I think compare to my last scan on day 15th , so FET was cancelled but my embryos are safe uff.

My lining growth and on time growth is what my RE wants, so that my em-babies can snuggle up and be their until 9 months safe and healthy and for which I agreed too, RE told that we can waste/cancel cycles but not embryos. RE told me to stop Progynova and take Meprate for 6 days, and once I stop those I will get period within a week , I stopped the tab on Tuesday, so I am thinking I will get period on Monday or Tuesday lets see and I have to meet RE on day 2 to start the new FET cycle, hopefully February is my month.

(Disclaimer: Please do not copy, or distribute the photo’s without the author’s  content)

I went home packed for our trip. We went at the western most tip of India and enjoyed our break, this break has made me very positive, visited Dwarkanath  and two Jothirlingas Nagehwar and Somanath. The trip was mix of spiritual, visiting beaches  and  seeing the nature at the best.I came home with a positive mind ready for the  next cycle. I so badly wanted to visit these two temples before my FET and so that’s what God wanted to I guess.On another note my friend F about whom I have mentioned here and here has her transfer tomorrow and I am darn excited for her,her positive will be my hope too, ok will stop now and leave with you some pics of our trip and have a great weekend.

 

THE LINING SAGA

DISCLAIMER 

I don’t know what will happen with my first FET cycle,usually my lining is never a issue, its always thickens on time, this is the first time, it is not getting thick, it is triple line from day 10 but not thickening like it has too.I don’t know why, I was checking my clomid cycle file, where I had to go for alternate days for scans from day 14/15/16 until I ovulate, in all those  scans every two days it used to grow 1 mm, like on day 15 it would be 6 mm and on 17 it would be 7 mm like that, so it would grow fine by the time I would ovulate, but why this time with all the medication I don’t know, this is very frustrating.

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On my day 15 scan I went for the scan it was just 6.4 or 6.6 mm not sure, in those five days it just grew less than 1 mm, why oh why is this happening.So my RE told me that my lining is not growing according to her satisfaction, so she gave me a choice to either cancel this cycle or wait for two three days and checking if my lining is growing and then decide , I told we will wait and check after two days, so now my scan is on 25th day 18 and I am hoping that it grows by then and but I am not sure.RE also told that sometime they cancel 2 to 5 cycles until the lining is fine, because our embryos are very important, we can can cancel due to lining but we  should not lose embryos and I agree with that.

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My IVF cycle from the start as always been very slow, loads of confusions, waiting and never ending suspense until  the end. I am really feeling very low and don’t know what next, if my cycle gets cancelled  luckily we had planned a trip for our anniversary but we had not cancelled don’t know why so we will go ahead with the trip in case the cycle is cancelled, so I guess I have something to look forward and divert my mind, also hopefully RE will start the FET immediately form next cycle itself I cant wait any more, already I am very frustrated with this cycle and I am also hoping this cycle wont be cancelled but I am ready for whatever it is and trying to be calm.I am tired of waiting.

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IVF – Part 4

DISCLAIMER

Happy new year to all my readers, have a great year ahead and hope all dreams come true and hold out babies soon. All the TTC ladies are in my prayers.I still can’t believe its 2018. Last Jan when I was in the middle of the infertility treatment, I was still in those beginning phase of the treatment and was so sure will conceive in one of those clomid or one of the IUI’s, but the universe had some other plans I guess. As I type this, still there is no baby in my belly. I could have been PUPO(Pregnant Until Proven) by yesterday but I asked my RE for day five transfer.

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Ok coming back to the part 4 of out IVF, on 29th  Dec 2017 on the auspicious day of Vaikunta Ekadhasi according to our Hindu calendar, my egg pick up/retrieval (ER) was done by 1.30 pm, according to my trigger shot timings of 35 to 36 hours.I was praying that I should get at least 12 to 15 eggs, but we got only 10.In the morning before ER BH had to give fresh SA, but he had to give it soon , as he had some important meeting , so there was so much confusion but finally the embryologist agreed to give it sooner and BH gave the fresh sample left, even though there was frozen back up, that morning confusions was very taxing.

After the ER , when I woke up, RE came up to me and told that they got 10 eggs, lets see how the fertilization is, we will know about it tomorrow and went away before I could ask any questions.I was very angry about myself that I got only 10, by then my friend F came to meet me,  about whom I have mentioned   here and here. My friend told why are you even feeling bad when others don’t even get a egg or more less than yours, I was like I am worried about me I din’t want to compare  myself with anyone at that point.Anyways I felt better speaking to her.

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When I was declared fine by the duty doctor to go home,RE had  prescribed some tabs until I meet her on Monday day 3, seeing those tabs , my friend F told you might have fresh transfer, I was like it cant be, but those tabs were for readying me for the fresh transfer. I was confused and shocked cause I had prepared myself mentally for FET. I have written about it here so many times.I am on vaginal progesterone and one more tab I don’t know the name the other tablet for preparing for ET, those tabs are making me feel confused, heart burn,nauseous and very tired.

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I left the clinic praying all of our  eggs to be fertilized and not to think about the ET (Embryo Tranfer). Until the next day I was so darn nervous, until I got to know about our fertiliation. The report was 9 eggs were mature and 7 had fertilized, that was a ok news o me, I was ok fine. Then prayed that they all grow fine, praying was the only choice I had, that’s what I did on the last weekend of 2017.

Monday JAN 1 st 2018, I went to the clinic, the junior doc did the scan, she told my lining is good and after ER there was some fluid  in the utreus, that fluid was also not there everything was looking good , so they wanted me to do day three transfer.I was not able to react, I asked can we do day 5 transfer, the blastocyst transfer,they were like we will check with RE and then decide.

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I met the RE she was busy with ER with other patients, she said.She told that success rate does not vary much, most of my patients have had success with day 3 transfer, decide what you want and called the embryologist. The embryologist showed me the report, all 7 were going good on day 3,only one was slight behind but that also was good grade, they told it might catch up.

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This was the first time in my life that I took decision without consulting BH / mom/ mil or anyone,and the decision was made within a minute, I just told, that mentally blastocyst  transfer would be fine for me.Now tomorrow I will know how many have made it to blasts.RE suggested that if I want day 5 transfer then freeze two day 3 embryo which are actually really good,remaining 5 we can let it grow, in case we lose all during the day 5 we have two day 3 back up, so fingers crossed that all five grow on day 5, and I can get done with ET tomorrow, my friend  F told that even her  few d grade embryo grew until day 5, mine was grade b embies so it should grow fine she told, I was nervous after taking the decision she told just go with the flow it will work out. Please pray that my embryos grow and I can have ET tomorrow.

Day 8 of Injections – IVF

DISCLAIMER

On Saturday it was third scan(including my base line scan) to check my follicles, I hate those USG scans , how many times I have told this but its a fact that I hate those invasive scans, sigh!.RE did the scan and said that my lining was 7.6 mm, then there are two dominant follicles one each side, and almost fifteen or seventeen on both sides, which were above 12 mm so she was not happy I guess. RE did not say anything but I felt I like she was not ok with the development, it was my observation, and I am going mad thinking about it from Saturday, I need to relax, but I am not able to, I am ok today left it to God.

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RE told me, its ok we will just increase dosage of one injection, so injection Humog  was increased form 75 to 150, Humog I have been taking from day one of the injections, it was only 75 , now its 150 from day 8 .Hopefully that injection will help my follicles grow faster.My breasts feel very tender and I have pain too, very slight twinges near my ovaries, I am very tired , sleepy and hungry most of the time,very few time when walking fast I feel heaviness on one of the sides near the ovaries, other wise I am fine, hopefully everything is fine and I get good number and quality eggs.

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Today it will be day 10 of the injections, from day 8 more and more injections as I have said above.I have a scan tomorrow , RE told me that  will see you on Tuesday and hopefully everything will be fine and decide on egg retrieval. I am googling from Saturday, many have written that though they did not have any side effects of injections they had good number of eggs and some have succeeded also in that cycle ,I also stopped googling from yesterday, most of the time google misleads.I am trying to be calm,but I am not always calm.I just wanted to take this out of my system.If anyone has read this, I thank you for reading my blabbering. I am off to take day 10 injections, hopefully tomorrow will be the last day of the injection.

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Injections and Injections – IVF

DISCLAIMER 

Yes, its injections and injections , that’s the part of IVF, I know and everyone who has gone through IVF will know.I am not complaining just saying. Today it is CD 8/Day 7 of injections. on day 6 of injections, RE did the second TV scan after my day 2 scan to start  IVF TV Scan/USG,I hate those TV scans, during the scan she counted my follicles it was maybe 16 or 17 of them, my endometrium lining was 6.6 mm or something.

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RE wanted to add one more injection along with the two other injections which I am already taking  , so its three injections from yesterday. Before adding the third injections RE wanted to know my E2 levels , so gave blood to know about my estrogen level so took only the two injections in the morning. In the evening by 4.00 pm they rang me and said that my levels were normal and I can take the third injection, so off I went to take the third injection, this was also in thigh, so I take three injections two on the thigh and one on the buttock.

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From day one I am taking Gonal F and Humog  until day five, then from day six Cetrotide was added. From yesterday I have slight pain because of injections, but I am fine, its not hindering my day to day activities. I am trying to be calm as much as possible.I have an appointment with RE,tomorrow one more scan and hopefully will know when is the egg retrieval and any more follicles or maybe they will increase or decrease my injection dosages.I am nervous and excited but I don’t want to have too much expectations, I just want to be neutral. Thats all for now, will update tomorrow after my meeting with RE. Any tips would be great.

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Finally A Breather

DISCLAIMER

Yes I got my reports finally. I was so tensed until I spoke to the doctor, the wait to meet the doctor was never ending .  It was such a relief  to talk to  the doctor, she told that all my reports  have come normal and I can now meet the RE with these reports. I asked her again that all is fine or what, she told yeah as of now all the reports are fine, but I din’t understand what she meant by ” as of now all is fine”, anyways I don’t want to dwell too much on it ,it is fine that’s it.

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The smear test, tissue , culture whatever all is fine is what I need to start IVF. I am sacred and excited at the same time,the roller coaster of emotions of IVF even before I have started the process. I need to be strong mentally first thing than anything, God give me strength that’s all I ask.On another note, I will be going to a naming ceremony tomorrow. It is of my first cousins first baby, so I need to go or it wont be nice, so I need to be more stronger than the IVF procedure . I will be meeting RE on Monday and know the details about IVF.

PS: (before reading the next part I want to tell you these are my opinions and experience, please don’t try to judge me and no negative comments please)

Today my bro wanted to ask something related to him to a very new astrologer, I had gone with him to meet the astrologer. My bro, mom and mil told me to ask, will the IVF be successful for me,I was in two minds whether to ask or not. I do believe in astrology but only to an extent, I believe more in the almighty then any predictions.

 

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The astrologer told that  I will not have kids , then he told IVF  will not be successful  now but it will be successful in 2020. I just listened no reaction at all, because I know my God better than anyone, I was very unfazed with whatever he said, also my mom and mil have asked some experienced astrologers where they have never ever told I will not have kids they have told that it will be late that’s all, whatever I am going ahead with IVF. I will do IVF and the results  I have left to my GOD, I know its easier said than done but that’s all I can do.

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THE SIX WEEK WAIT

Disclaimer :: please read the DISCLAIMER before reading my blog posts.

Yeah you read it right, it’s a six week wait for that AFP culture test result. I wanted to update immediately after my meeting with the gynecologist this Monday, but life has many twists right also Its navrathri  from yesterday and Dusshera  here so was a bit  busy and  also the result I wanted is yet to come. There was and still so much confusion  and drama by the receptionists, there are so many receptionists there sigh. What I wanted din’t happen that day at all.Now I need to wait until 17th October hopefully I will get my final reports on that day at-least.

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I don’t know whether I was wrong or the hospital staff confused me or maybe the nurse who told me to come on 17th was confused and she confused me too, so much confusion here right.On Monday when I went to the hospital first I went to take my report they told it will be given to me in few minutes, but it dint happen and  I had to meet my doc on the appointed time, so the receptionist told me its better I go and  pay the consultation fee and wait since my appointment time was getting over and she will send my report directly to the doc, so I went paid and sat there waiting for my turn and reports.

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Then I heard my name being called and thought my reports have come, so I went and was told that the report will  come in the evening. I was pissed off, I was so much waiting  for that darn report and here again I need to wait. I tried to be calm and thought ok I will come on Wednesday and meet the doc and spoke to the receptionist,I  told her if they had told me when the report exactly will come I would come at time and and I would not  have wasted my time. money and energy  here doing nothing, the feeling I cannot explain when they told my reports are yet to come.

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I was angry so they directly called the lab technician and he spoke to me which I did not understand, so he told he will come and speak directly to me. The lab technician told my reports will come only after six weeks not two weeks, I was pissed off and angry at the same time, first I thought I will know about the reports in two weeks and after two weeks first they told the result will come in a day and now this is too much I had to wait four more weeks after waiting two weeks before this sigh.Then he explained that they will grow the tissue / smear or whatever it is and then its positive or negative  result will depend on whether it grows or not . that’s the culture test the lab technician told me, so now again the most frustrating waiting game starts again, please pray for me again that all my reports are fine  and I can start IVF soon. I am trying to be patient as much as possible.

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