Never Ending ….

DISCLAIMER

Until I start IVF it is never ending reports and meeting the doctors. I knew all this but it feels never ending . I met RE on Monday, seeing my  AMH and BH’s semen analysis she told we’ll do two IUI’s if that does not work we can start IVF, she told this even before seeing my other reports. I told her that both my tubes are blocked , she was like “oh I did not see that”,So its IVF for you she told, I knew that thank you.

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Then she checked my other reports and told everything is fine, but I cant find TB PCR report and discharge summary after Hystro-laparoscopy , sigh. I had to go back to the hospital where my gynecologist did hystro-lap and get both those reports, it’s never ending I must say. When I went to the hospital to take my report first they told I will get the report in  ten minutes then , later they told it will come by evening. then next day never ending did I say.

Next day I called in the morning, they told they will call back in 10 minutes but I never got call until 3 pm, I called them and scolded them. At that time they are telling that if AFP culture, smear , tissue  whatever all the reports are negative/fine means PCR also will be negative so  they don’t test that and I can take back that money, I was relieved but also  irritated with all this, and felt so many hurdles before I start IVF.

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Ok coming back to my meeting with RE, she then explained that I will be starting IVF from second day of my period. They will be doing IVF- ICSI , even though BH’s SA is good. When I asked why? they told the success rate is more in ICSI. Then she told that since my AMH is good I might have chances of OHSS, I was shocked, but was just listening, she told there are Chances of OHSS but I can’t tell it will happen , don’t worry much we will take care of you that’s what she told I think. So maybe it wont be a fresh transfer, we will do FET cycle , but fresh transfer or FET will be know depending upon how my health will be at that time. Then I asked the doctor for IVF many people start with Birth Control Pills(BCP) why she is starting for me from just day 2  , she told that in other clinics they take control of your cycle when there are too many patients, but here we concentrate on less people , so we start with second day of your periods, that’s it.

Then met the finance person, got the details, she explained well . She split the amount for what  is for what and all.The total cost of IVF , plus some MACS test for selecting best sperm for ICSI,  cost for freezing the  embryo for 4 , if there are more than four , again some more thousands of  rupees  sigh, then extra more  money if it is FET cycle . The injections can be taken by the nurse in the clinic she told, if my home is near, so mostly those injection days I  will be going to clinic daily I think so, even though the clinic is just 7 to 8 KM, but in this Bangalore traffic it will take 30 to 45 mins in non peak traffic time, so mostly the timing will be between 11 am to 12 pm noon.

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Then met the in house counselor who spoke very nicely, I felt good. She told me eat good food, not to eat out, walk as much as possible, yoga , pranayama , not to fall sick and in general spoke very nicely made me feel better, she also told I could speak to her if I want to, also there was a infertility talk next day , she told I could come if I want too. I also told about my blog and a India Infertility group me and a friend are trying to start so we can make others feel we are not alone. It was good.

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Tomorrow again I will be meeting  RE again to give the final reports and BH will be giving semen for freezing, he can give fresh semen during egg retrival too, this just for a back up and we are  paying for semen freezing obviously .This  has become a never ending post, hopefully my meeting with RE go fine and I should go next on day 2 of my period for starting IVF.I need your prayers.

 

Fertility Warrior Q&A

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I have been tagged and asked by two friends, Infertility & life  and Strength through Infertility, to contribute to raising awareness of infertility & childlessness.  Which was started by Post IVF world . The idea is that bloggers answer a set of 10 questions about their own infertility experiences and then add an extra question that we think others may find useful.  In the end there should be a huge amount of information available for people to access which in turn should help raise awareness.I will also tag a few fellow bloggers and ask them to take part if they would like to.

So, here are my answers

Are you male of female?

Female

Where are you in your infertility journey?

As of now I am on a break after Hysteroscopy with laparoscopy surgery ,which was done last month and before that three  failed clomid cycles. I will be starting my first IVF maybe in November or December, I am not sure,because it depends on my AFP culture test for which I am still waiting ,which sometimes I feel was not necessary at all .

What is your infertility diagnosis if you have one?

Last month Hysteroscopy and laparoscopy surgery was done and the doctors discovered that both my tubes have been blocked. In February this year when HSG procedure was done only one tube was blocked, now after six months both tubes have been blocked I don’t know how. also long back when I was in late teens or early twenties  have been diagnosed with pcos/pcod.

A slight male factor too, BH’s sperm count is good but morphology and motility have slight issues for which he is taking tabs.Now I am  just in waiting period which is very frustrating.

How old were you when you got your diagnosis and how old are you now?

In my late teens or early twenties I am not sure I had/have been diagnosed with pcos/pcod, Tube blocks was known last month.I am 33 years old.

What do you do to keep your spirits up on the tough days?

I write, writing about my infertility journey is made my life easier, because I can vent out my feelings and feel light.I can take out the negativity out form my system when I write here. I go window shopping, the best therapy. I am very spiritual  person so I pray, meditate and just believe in God.Thanks to this infertility journey I have made some beautiful friendships, some through blogging, some via online community and some during my hospital visits. So when in doubt are low I have so many people to hear me. We travel and mostly escape to our holiday home, just me and BH. I also wish there was a support group here in India, people don’t talk much openly here about infertility, so that’s the one thing I want to do or maybe there is a support group which I don’t know, if anyone know please send me the link, thank you.

How do you feel you have been treated by medical professionals?

In 2014 I had not got period for three months, but had spotting/bleeding and bad stomach ache, so went to meet a gynecologist, the worst gynec ever I have met, the way she spoke to me I thought I was going to die soon , I din’t know what health issue I had, even now after three years I don’t know what health issue it was at that time. Later after few months when I went for second opinion the new gynec told I do not have any major problem sigh, it was the worst time of my life.

Last year in July I started going to a different gynecologist the best doctor I have ever met, thank God for that.Then my gynecologist referred me to RE in July this year.I have RE only twice, so I still need time , but in those two time I felt she was good, also there is a in house counselor so I actually felt nice speaking to her, so lets see how its goes after my next visits.

Have you been offered support of any kind?

Until now, I haven’t got any kind of support , I support myself by being strong, but as I have said in my previous reply that the in-house counselor at the clinic makes me feel its going to be ok,lets see how its going to be in future.

 

How do your issues effect you on a day to day basis?

It effects me a lot, sometimes too much, but from past few weeks  or a month.I am trying to be strong, yeah only from few weeks, but I don’t know how long I can be strong.There are days I just want to be all alone, I don’t want BH also to be with me, its just me and my loneliness sigh, what all this infertility makes us.When someone is going to announce there pregnancy, I take time to digest the fact, then congratulate them.Sometimes I get afraid to congratulate because who knows something happens after we congratulate and then they blame us. Yeah I  am paranoid of congratulating pregnant women this is because of the Indian society I feel , even thought nothing has happened like that until now, and we are more liberal compared to few older generations but I am scared that’s it. When we go for get-together’s, family pooja’s etc my cousins, family and friends pity on me I think, that I don’t have kids, but I don’t want that Pity please.Then these baby showers and naming ceremonies uff, I don’t want to go there, if we go people ask when is our turn, if we don’t go they think we are jealous sigh, life is tough, even more with infertility.

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If you could tell yourself something back when you were first diagnosed, what would it be?

Its not going to be easy, no matter what do ,you have go though all those procedures and pains, try to be strong and start your journey now(I feel I should have started to take my infertility seriously and started my treatment soon)anyways its better late then never.

 

Are you open about your infertility? If so, has this helped?  If not, is it something you think might help?

Yes we are open about our treatment only with close family and friends. In India close family means obliviously my parents, sibling, BH’s parents and sibling, but  its also means my moms siblings, dads siblings, few  of my cousins and not much on BH’s side because my MIL does not prefer talking about my treatments , that’s what I want too I am ok with my side people knowing but not BH’s.

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In a way it has helped a lot some try to understand me and don’t ask me about my treatments, but there are few go on asking about my treatments its irritating at times and at times I am ok and explain to them what’s happening in my infertility life.Then writing this blog has made my life better because I can vent out here, whenever and whatever and feel fine, also knowing I am not alone and I do have  a great support who are also in the same journey.

What advice would you give to someone about to embark on treatment?

I don’t know if I can give any advice I am still new here, hopefully I will get advice when I am going to start my IVF , but I want to tell one thing if you already know you have pcos/pcod please don’t go to a gynecologist and waste your time just go to a Reproductive endocrinologist, this is  just my suggestion it might work different ways to different people.

So that’s the end of my answers.

Now I tag the following bloggers to do the same, no pressure here only if they would like to:

The Moon and Back

Eleanor

addra – Seeking, health and fitness

Positive Thinking

Elena-My journey through life, infertility and the universe

Doggie Bags not Diaper bags

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What next ?

What next is the biggest question I have at this point of time in my life,even though I know  that my doctors  have told IVF is the only option I have right now. I am also preparing for IVF  mentally, Physically and financially, but this waiting game is frustrating.I wonder how people cope with this waiting game, especially when you want something the most but its delayed due to so many factors which are known and unknown to us, so it  makes the waiting more worse than anything in life.

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I met my gynecologist yesterday after a week to remove my stitches, I had to go on Saturday but could not go due to some other reasons.Removal of stitches was ok near the abdomen but near my navel it was a bit painful only for few minutes, it was done by some junior doctor. later my gynec came to meet me where I was lying down after removal of the stitch. As I had told in my last post that both my RE and gynec had discussed that if my right tube is blocked according to my Feb HSG  report and if my right tube was causing any problem for conceiving than to remove the right tube.

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My gynec decided not remove my right tube since both my tubes are fine, only its blocked that’s it, so she decided to tell my RE its not necessary to remove the tube and it wont have any bad effect during IVF.

My meeting with gynec went well, she told  me that my tubes are fine and it can open in future and she spoke to my RE when I was on operation table that its not necessary to remove the tube so I am a bit relived, so my tubes are fine and in my uterus, also I have heard that tubes  usually closes and opens depending on our diet or our Karma or our luck. One of my cousin conceive after eight years on her fourth IVF and conceived naturally next one within two years, her tubes had opened and it was miracle baby two for her.

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OK now if you read until now and wondering why I have that question on what next ?when I know it is IVF, but they have sent my some blood sample,endo lining and smear and what not I  don’t know for testing some

AFB  BACTEA Culture

AFB Smear

AFB Culture 

AFB Culture (Identification)

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Then something specimen source  and smear is sent by tissue and that result is Acid fast Bacilli NOT SEEN its written in the report so that’s fine I think.I know I should be stress free and talk to  about these to my doc but I cant wait. I think here in India they do this test to check to find out genital TB because it will be difficult to conceive or  during IVF embryo wont implant due to TB (this I read in some trying to conceive forum, written  by somebody who  had done these tests during there treatment for infertility)so if its positive they give treatment for three or six months and then when its cured they find out by endo biopsy and start IUI or IVF whatever next. So I will be meeting my gynec to get my report on AFB culture and then will meet my RE to start IVF maybe form October or November. So please pray for me all is fine and I can start with IVF soon.

 

 

Done with Hysteroscopy and Laparoscopy

I am sitting here with slightissh pain after the Hysteroscopy with Laparoscopy (hystero-lap).I am tired  and have slight pain in my tummy and shoulders.I was so scared last week until this was done, now I am relieved that its done and I am here sitting and typing about my experience.

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I went at 6 in the morning and came back at 9. pm.I was feeling ok by evening, but due to billing formalities it took long time. and by the time I was home it was darn late.I just wanted to be in bed.

They did  HSG again, hysteroscopy and laparoscopy. They basically did HSG again to check if my right tube is really blocked as I said in my previous post, they wanted to to either unblock or clip my right tube if it was creating problem for me to conceive.I still can’t understand, why last time they told that only right tube was blocked and left was fine , but now they are telling both are blocked, why dint they find out last time only, I would not have wasted my time, money and energy from last seven months.My karma I guess I have to go thought all this.

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I need to meet my gynecologist on Saturday to remove the stitches, they have made small cuts near the  navel and in my lower abdomen, that’s little painful and I get like a lighting feel kind of pain near my abdomen and on the sides of abdomen, has anybody felt like that who have undergone hysteroscopy and laparoscopy, please let me know.

I think they have sent my endometrium lining and others (whatever it is which I don’t know) for biopsy and tests, I don’t know when I will be getting results for those, so when I go to meet my doc on Saturday I know about those, hopefully everything is fine and I can go head for the next steps.IMG-20170827-WA0013

 

The most shocking result was when my doc came to meet me after I gained conscious, she told that both my tubes are blocked and IVF is the solution. My doc spoke to my mom who accompanied me and told her that she tried it very hard to unblock the tubes,but she could not do that, so it is IVF for me, I still need to digest the fact. I thought at least we will do two IUI’s but God has other plans for me I guess.Hopefully my other reports will be fine and they will be fine I guess or my doc would have told then itself if there were other problems, I am trying to be optimistic and be mentally ready to start IVF process.

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Hystero-Laparoscopy

 

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I met my doctor again on Wednesday, did some more tests Echo and X ray, last week too she had told some blood work, met anesthesiologist too,  all reports are fine, and I am told I am all good to go for the surgery. I have mixed feelings. Hystro-Lap is scheduled on Monday.

 

Hystero-Laparoscopy is done under anesthesia  so I am ok with that, but my doc told if I have any problem in my uterus they will do Laparotomy and clear it off, but I am worried and hopefully everything will be finished with  Hystero-Laparoscopy. I am really worried what if it is laparatomy. I am just very nervous, because its a big surgery is what I have heard and read.

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Update:- Today the junior gynecologist called me,she told that since my right tube is blocked according to my HSG report, they will check again during Hystro-lap, if its really blocked, they will try to rectify it, if is really bad and not helping me for conception(this I really did not understand) means they will remove my right tube, that’s what my gynecologist and RE have discussed, the junior gynecologist told me.

The junior gynecologist told me that she did not want to shock or frighten me by telling on Monday morning when I go for the surgery, so she had to tell me about my right tube.I asked her about Laparotomy she told me  not to worry, only in the rarest of rarest case Laparotomy is done and not to worry. In case if I have any problem at all then they might go for it  or else most of the time its  not needed at all, they just want my consent before they put me under anesthesia. They suggest everyone who’s goes though hystro-Lap before hand to be ready for Laparotomy, but that’s makes anyone nervous right.

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Almost all the people I know get pregnant so easily , and here I am doing so many things even before and struggling  to get pregnant. Suddenly with all these invasive methods I get really very scared and feel like stopping everything, then I feel that stopping without even trying means giving up totally, how can I leave all this when I have come this long in this journey, its very exhausting  and frustrating journey.

I am just too confused , afraid , feeling low and lonely. I just want to leave it all to God and trust him and that’s all I can do.I just pray  to God to give me the strength that’s all.   If  anybody has done Hystro-Laparoscopy / Laparotomy let me know, how it was for you and what  was the results positive or negative , whatever do let me know.

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Sometimes I wonder what is happening in my life……………

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PS; First of all I want to tell you all that my brothers wife gave birth to a healthy boy baby on Tuesday 29th august , I am very very happy for them. The baby is so very cute I cant take out my eyes from him.

HSG test in Bangalore

I was and I am all always scared of HSG   hysterosalpingogram test. So finally after six or seven months of natural try, taking tabs , some scans, blood work SA for BH nothing worked, so before going clomid and TI (timed intercourse). My doc suggested HSG test to be done either from day 6 to day 9, I told I am darn scared but I had to do it.

My doc suggested to consult the best radiologist  in Bangalore, but that radiologist  was not giving anesthesia , so searched all the hospitals in Bangalore finally zeroed on two hospitals, read reviews and finalized one hospital which is one of good hospital in Bangalore.

The hospital was Gunasheela Hospital, Jayanagar. Since I am not the regular patient there, there was loads of confusion. I was first giving a mock register number, then they told  me to get some unwanted blood work, even though I had almost blood work done but they wanted me to get it. So I gave the blood for test , then they told me to come next day to meet the anesthetist for checking whether I can take  anesthesia or not.Next day went to the meet the doc he cleared me for taking anesthesia.All my reports are fine so  I was asked to come on day 7 (or I told that I would want it to be done on day 7)and they  gave me some tabs to take on the test day early morning , take only coffee and biscuits and not to eat anything until the procedure,and the test will be done by 12 noon.

I went to the hospital on day seven by 10 am, paid the amount then they gave me a hospital gown to wear.Then they took me to something like operation theater  , there the anesthetist spoke very nicely , as he was speaking they had give IV by then and later the  doc injected something and I lost conscious then after 10 mins or soo they woke me up and told that the test was done, even after the test it was paining, it was like bad period cramps and was bleeding a bit, and  I was not fully conscious.

After maybe two or three hours I felt better, they told me take water, then  they told me take juice after half an hour , then again after half an hour some light food like idly. Then when I felt better they checked me told that all is good and I can go home. It was a long tiring day and HSG was over finally.

Ok my  HSG results, right tube blocked and left tube fine, so one tube is blocked.

Cost – 3000 rs for blood work, 500 rs for  meeting anesthetist  and 6000 rs for HSG test.I felt it was too much, if you are their regular patient it costs less I guess.

PS: Gunasheela Hospital  its very crowded , they dint give any written test report only x-ray report , my gynecologist had to interpret by herself and she gave the report to the in-house radiologist  and he gave interpretation by seeing by x-ray. So for all the amount I paid,  I was not satisfied. Only thing was they were doing the test by under anesthesia.

After HSG I did three clomid cycles I have written here, now my doc is suggested get laparoscopy before further treatment. I will be meeting a new RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist ) suggested by my doc/Gynecologist  then we will decide what and when. It’s a long long journey.

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