The Talk

DISCLAIMER

I just wanted to record the talk I had with the in-house counselor in the clinic I go here, but before I go into the main topic let me give you an update, after my last post, I thought that I will post about my transfer confirmation and all, it’s not that easy in my case you all know, if you been following  me from the beginning if not you can check here. On Monday the 8th it was day 15 for me, the plan was to have the final lining check and start progesterone for the transfer, as usual my cycle was cancelled, according to my RE, whatever my lining is they can transfer because of the ERA test. I need extra 12 hours of progesterone  and my lining was receptive according to my ERA test.

The problem this time was one, that my lining was growing but slowly as usual , but it was growing  and it was a triple line that was the main thing and I felt a bit relieved and second my RE would be out of town during my transfer time, but I said ok for another RE to do my transfer, because my lining was ok this time and I did not want to waste my time, but on Monday during the check up, new RE told she will not do transfer with 6 mm lining even though my RE’s junior doctor told about my lining issues and ERA report.

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I spoke to my RE’s junior  and said that I am ok to go ahead with transfer but she told this time my lining is growing okissh, we will cancel and next month my RE only will do the transfer and who knows next month it might grow even better, but I was not convinced, because I am scared but she told think positive and come back on day 2 of my next period , so I was ok with this plan at some point because I prefer my RE only to do my transfer, so they gave me some withdrawal tabs to be taken after few days , I might get my period in the 4th week of October then start all over again, now the waiting game starts.

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I have written so much that I have not written about the main topic, so yesterday after all the check up’s and all, the in house counselor wanted to meet me.It was nice talking to her, I felt good about myself and and she made me know that  I am doing all in my capacity to make this work, I never felt that I was doing my best.She told me few success stories and how it worked for them, she listened to me when I spoke.She also told me to be positive and my mind being positive has more effective then the medicines I totally agree to that concept, positive mind positive body.

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She also told me few tips which I really loved, which I will be incorporating in my daily life.I spoke to her for almost more than half an hour,it was the best part of the day I felt so so good about myself,she also told me to call her when I need to talk or feeling low or just to unburden, after this I suggest  please go and speak to the counselor that’s the best thing you can do yourself during this infertility journey.I felt I was unburdened and came out with a positive mind and attitude, ( lets call the counselor R)  thank you R so much for making me feel so good now I feel I can do this, thanks again.

I for Invasive & Insurance #A to Z Challenge

DISCLAMER

Infertility treatments are very very invasive I must say. When we decided we wanted babies, and nothing worked the normal way, we tried the all the non-invasive treatments like Ayurveda and Homeopathy when those were exhausted,I had no choice but to go the Allopathic way , I am was darn scared because I knew it would be very invasive. We being the google generation , we just google every darn thing. Everything I read was all about tvs-scans, HSG test , hysteroscopy and much more, the list is never ending, and every time we go for check ups, tvs scan is a must, or the RE wont know whats happening with the reproductive system.

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The above tests are just the beginning, once your a part of either IUI or IVF roller coaster ride, its even more invasive, now I am just used to those invasive scans, if my RE does not ask me to get undressed from my lower part I will be worried, and will be thinking why she is not scanning today, nah nah after speaking to me the nurse tells me to undress and dang the scan is done, its not painful but its obviously uncomfortable. Invasive in the part of infertility life.

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Insurance I wont talk much, but here in India insurance is not covered for a single infertility issue, we have to pay everything from our pocket and these treatments are very expensive. Every time my RE suggests tests I need to think how much it might costs and when should it be paid, its very draining mentally, physically and financially , dint I say you need to be a warrior to go through infertility treatments.


PS:I am not a doctor, these are just my findings, my experiences and my infertility warrior friends experiences, I am half doctor myself because we go though so much,sometimes I feel I know my diagnosis better than my RE(Reproductive Endocrinologist). Hope these posts make some sense for people who are not a part of this journey.This post is a part of #AtoZchallenge2018.

The Break and FET – IVF Part 5 work in Progress

DISCLAIMER

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Hi all,hope all are having a great 2018. After my last post, the few people who read my blog must have wondered where I disappeared.I was just  totally lost in my own confused world, so before writing another post I wanted a break and know what exactly is happening with our first IVF cycle. I wanted to update after talking to RE so that’s why I am posting after a long time, I feel my last post which I posted, I  just posted in a hurry.The next day on day 5 , I had written probably fresh ET, read again probably, but that did not happen.

I wanted to get ET done under sedation, I had asked my RE if it possible, she told 95 % ET she does is not done sedation, only 5 % are done under sedation, but since I requested she agreed and told me to come on day 5, she told the same advice to eat sometime before 6.00am and nothing and no water until ET.

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On Wednesday 3rd Jan I fasted from 6.00 am, went to temple, but I had strange feeling that ET might not happen and in my dreams too,I would go to the clinic and they would tell that I have come late and so no ET today, I had the same dream two to three times. That was sign I must say.I waited for the call from clinic until 10.00 am,I called the clinic since I could not wait, they told  that RE was busy and they will  give a call in sometime.

I got the dreaded call, that my 5 embryos which they had left to grow (two day 3 embryos were first frozen in my 7 embryos and 5 were left to grow) only three were growing I felt so low. RE told that they were still in morula stage and they need to wait until it grows to blastocysts by day 6, I was so dejected, but at least 3 were growing and two best day 3 were already frozen, RE told she will update after day 6 one more day of wait. I called on day 6 to know, they told that  all three were growing good,they will wait until evening and then freeze so you can call next day.

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I called next day they told that they froze the best two, so now we have two day 3 and day 6 Expanded Blasts.Since my RE had told that they don’t do fresh day 6 embryo transfer, so it was FET (Frozen embryo transfer) for me. So mentally I was preparing to wait for more than a month, I was told to stop all the tablets and the progesterone pessaries and wait until I get period and go on day two to meet the RE.I had thought RE will check and give me BCP(birth control pills) for a month and then start  FET at the end of JAN or beginning of FEB, but everything changed.

I got period on 8th Jan, 5 days after of stopping those tablets that which were given for fresh transfer. I went to meet RE on 9th Jan, second day of my period, my RE scanned me the TVS scan and she told everything looks fine no cysts, but my lining was thick 7.2 mm on day 2 she asked me if I was bleeding properly, I told that I bleed properly by day 2 noon to day 3 morning, so she told come the on day 3, the next  day to check my lining and told me some blood work E2 and Progesterone and will decide on day three, my IVF cycle as always been confusing waiting game uff. So I gave my blood and prayed that everything should work out and was unnecessarily worried about my lining.

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In the evening I got a call from the clinic that my hormone levels are fine and that I can come and meet the RE for further investigations. I was happy and could not wait until the next day. On day three went to meet the RE, I waited and waited , on that day the clinic had too many patients.Finally my name was called, she first told that my hormones are fine now we need to check the lining, so again the bloody scan, she scanned and told no bilateral cysts and my lining had reduced to 3.9 mm so it was shedding fine.

 

I went back to her table she told everything looks fine we can go ahead with FET, I was nervous and excited. She gave the prescription, the regular vitamin  D tabs, Folic acid tabs and Progynova for 7 days 2 tabs (1 in morning and 1 at night) until 12th and from 13th 4 tabs (2 in the morning and 2 at night) until I meet her for day 10 scan. She told me not to miss on the timing of the tabs, if I take the tabs at 9.00 am, then I should take the other at 9.00 pm, it should be exactly 12 hour gap.I will be meeting my RE on 17th day 10 and will know what next.This IVF is made me know that  being patient  is the only choice we have and nothing else.

Day 8 of Injections – IVF

DISCLAIMER

On Saturday it was third scan(including my base line scan) to check my follicles, I hate those USG scans , how many times I have told this but its a fact that I hate those invasive scans, sigh!.RE did the scan and said that my lining was 7.6 mm, then there are two dominant follicles one each side, and almost fifteen or seventeen on both sides, which were above 12 mm so she was not happy I guess. RE did not say anything but I felt I like she was not ok with the development, it was my observation, and I am going mad thinking about it from Saturday, I need to relax, but I am not able to, I am ok today left it to God.

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RE told me, its ok we will just increase dosage of one injection, so injection Humog  was increased form 75 to 150, Humog I have been taking from day one of the injections, it was only 75 , now its 150 from day 8 .Hopefully that injection will help my follicles grow faster.My breasts feel very tender and I have pain too, very slight twinges near my ovaries, I am very tired , sleepy and hungry most of the time,very few time when walking fast I feel heaviness on one of the sides near the ovaries, other wise I am fine, hopefully everything is fine and I get good number and quality eggs.

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Today it will be day 10 of the injections, from day 8 more and more injections as I have said above.I have a scan tomorrow , RE told me that  will see you on Tuesday and hopefully everything will be fine and decide on egg retrieval. I am googling from Saturday, many have written that though they did not have any side effects of injections they had good number of eggs and some have succeeded also in that cycle ,I also stopped googling from yesterday, most of the time google misleads.I am trying to be calm,but I am not always calm.I just wanted to take this out of my system.If anyone has read this, I thank you for reading my blabbering. I am off to take day 10 injections, hopefully tomorrow will be the last day of the injection.

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Injections and Injections – IVF

DISCLAIMER 

Yes, its injections and injections , that’s the part of IVF, I know and everyone who has gone through IVF will know.I am not complaining just saying. Today it is CD 8/Day 7 of injections. on day 6 of injections, RE did the second TV scan after my day 2 scan to start  IVF TV Scan/USG,I hate those TV scans, during the scan she counted my follicles it was maybe 16 or 17 of them, my endometrium lining was 6.6 mm or something.

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RE wanted to add one more injection along with the two other injections which I am already taking  , so its three injections from yesterday. Before adding the third injections RE wanted to know my E2 levels , so gave blood to know about my estrogen level so took only the two injections in the morning. In the evening by 4.00 pm they rang me and said that my levels were normal and I can take the third injection, so off I went to take the third injection, this was also in thigh, so I take three injections two on the thigh and one on the buttock.

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From day one I am taking Gonal F and Humog  until day five, then from day six Cetrotide was added. From yesterday I have slight pain because of injections, but I am fine, its not hindering my day to day activities. I am trying to be calm as much as possible.I have an appointment with RE,tomorrow one more scan and hopefully will know when is the egg retrieval and any more follicles or maybe they will increase or decrease my injection dosages.I am nervous and excited but I don’t want to have too much expectations, I just want to be neutral. Thats all for now, will update tomorrow after my meeting with RE. Any tips would be great.

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IVF – Part 2

DISCLAIMER

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Yes you read it right, finally our first IVF cycle started. What a never ending drama  it was even before I could start and how stressful my life life prior to out IVF cycle. Even on Saturday I was not sure if we will start, finally it started what a relief I must say. I don’t know, I am a bit calmer after all these few days of drama, and trying not to be stressed too much.

I was/have been diagnosed pcos/pcod when I was 18 or 19 years old, so cysts were always a part of me, but from last year when I started taking treatment with my gynecologist it was fine no cysts or maybe they were unnoticeable,even during my Hystro-laparoscopy noting was there,why oh why did it come now, that too, two of them.When I called RE’s clinic last Monday to tell that I have been spotting from Saturday they told me to come, for check up, that’s when she saw those two cysts, sigh!what road block,I had even before I could start.

The spotting also stopped from Monday evening, I din’t know what was happening to my body I felt my body was failing me again and again . I was trying to be calm, but I could not I was depressed, I stopped all the communications with all my support system I have. It was one of the most lowest period of my life I must say, I knew so many people who were going through IVF, everyone were, either starting or in between the cycle or egg retrieval stage and here, I was no where near it.

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I should have started on November 16th, but it was already December , and nothing was happening, I was totally lost, I had palpitations.God I cant even thing about last week. I did everything to get my period, to flow normally in natural ways like heat producing foods, exercise , yoga and meditation to keep myself calm. On Thursday I has stomach ache and slight flow in the evening, I was like I can go and meet RE next day but the bleeding stopped at night and no bleeding until Friday noon, I was going mad, then I just decided to leave it and move on , so decided to go to the parlour  for  a nice soothing  facial and pedicure so I can feel relaxed,when I was back home by 1.30 there was slight bleeding and by evening there was  proper flow.I did not book the appointment until I was sure. On Saturday there was proper flow and  I booked  the  appointment.

On Saturday when I went to the clinic ,there I met my friend F again. Whom I have mentioned in my previous post  . She had come to the clinic to know about how many embryos will be freezed, because in our clinic they don’t do fresh transfer, only FET is done. We spoke for a long time , she made me feel better and told you will start today and even she had cyst and they stated IVF for her even when it just spotted so be calm she told.Then when I went to meet RE, she told everyone in the clinic were tracking my periods sigh.

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I told about my period when it started and all, they did the TVS scan I don’t know  why this time it was very uncomfortable.Then mt RE told that there is persistent cysts so we need to do blood work again before we could start sigh, road block again, but the cyst had reduced compared to last scan. So I gave blood for  progesterone and estradiol test. They told they will call and tell whether I should come or they will prescribe BCP for a month after they get my blood work reports.

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I was waiting again, they did not call me until 4.00 PM, I called the clinic, they told me to come soon, your hormones are fine, you can start today, I just rushed to the clinic, my GOD so much drama it was, ok I have written too much here I guess, now I am off to the clinic to take day 3 cd 4 injections.Wish me luck.( Any grammatical mistakes just ignore I was in a hurry to publish and take of my system.)

The New RE

So I finally meet the new RE, I was actually scared to meet a RE , util now I have only met a gynecologist  for all the treatments, so maybe since I don’t know how it will be with RE I fear I guess don’t know . First they postponed my meeting with RE on Monday to Wednesday. I was worried and not feeling fine on Tuesday to meet RE, I thought will postpone on next Thursday or Friday, I almost decided to move the meeting day to next week,then again decided against it, cause the more I postpone the meeting the more I will feel worried and I don’t know how to explain that feeling hope you understood what all this TTC journey, infertility journey makes us feel sigh.

I had a appointment at 11.45 am, I was there at 11.40 am , first they took all my old reports  and wanted to know who referred me there, after that they took such a long time to register.Then I was send to one room, where a lady created my ID , took all my details where I stay , what me and BH does , then she checked my weight and height, then she told me to empty the bladder and wait ugggg. I hate TVS  (Trans vaginal scan) scans.

Then I meet a junior doc, she took all my details, I told about my ttc journey , my treatments and all. She told me to wait again with empty bladder, but I was sure that the RE wont check me, cause I had just come for second opinion on laparoscopy .

Then I was called in to meet THE RE, she asked me again about my ttc journey and she was like ,why did you take such a long time to take treatment, we had our reasons I gave her some reason. She told she wants to check me to check If my eggs are good, that’s the  TVS scan I asked her if it was necessary at this point of time, she told , we women don’t produce eggs like how men can produce  semen all there life time, we are born with eggs and it decreases as we grow old, for some the egg will be less even at 25 or 30 , so it depend on each women, hesitatingly  I went for check up. Then after  check up she told my eggs are good for my age, on right ovary I had one dominant follicle and many on left , She told me to get AMH test for myself to know about my eggs via blood work too. Then she told me to do get some more blood work for me and BH and also SA for BH in there hospital only, she told they can give better result then any other lab cause they are infertility clinic. Then we better get lap done and decide whether we go for IUI or IVF directly.

So next week all the blood work and BH’s tests will be done then will be meeting her again before lap and then the next course will be decided after lap only. So lets see how it goes.

 

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